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Kellyexpo

Offline (the 06/14/2015 at 7:01pm) | Search for a member

Kellyexpo

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2969
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Kellyexpo : Weird shit happens to me all the time

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Kellyexpo's favorite FMLs

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

#21025234
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58374) - you deserved it (5857)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

#21025169
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50771) - you deserved it (4694)

On 01/12/2014 at 12:26am - love - by spitball101 - Australia

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

#21024837
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43991) - you deserved it (21939)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

#21024543
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46017) - you deserved it (4952)

On 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

#21024175
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48388) - you deserved it (5432)

On 01/11/2014 at 12:55am - love - by rollergirl13 - United States (Alaska)

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49162) - you deserved it (9140)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents used my going away party as a cover up for my sister's surprise party. I didn't know until they brought out the cake. FML

#21022962
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41794) - you deserved it (3182)

On 01/09/2014 at 9:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sri Lanka

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

#21020901
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49781) - you deserved it (5283)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:37pm - misc - by bear food - United States (California)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

#21019231
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56356) - you deserved it (6932)

On 01/06/2014 at 4:32pm - misc - by innocent - Australia

Today, I downloaded a movie for my mom that she really likes, "When Harry Met Sally". When she loaded the file, we soon found out it was actually some kind of obscure porno billed as "When Harry Wet Sally". FML

#21018145
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47517) - you deserved it (9368)

On 01/05/2014 at 6:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, despite all of the pictures and proof of my fiancé, my parents still think I have an imaginary boyfriend. They met him, and were there when he proposed. They think it's all a joke. FML

#21017461
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54637) - you deserved it (4089)

On 01/05/2014 at 2:11am - love - by Fiancé problemsss - United States (Montana)

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

#21017302
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45947) - you deserved it (4755)

On 01/05/2014 at 12:11am - kids - by scotsgal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML

#21016986
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61107) - you deserved it (6577)

On 01/04/2014 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

#21016902
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46819) - you deserved it (5443)

On 01/04/2014 at 6:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I've had my tenth "Christmas" dinner since Christmas last took place. My mum has gone nuts and keeps playing Christmas music, making these dinners, and refusing to let me take down the Christmas decorations. My dad is too whipped to save us from this hell. FML

#21016807
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46628) - you deserved it (4477)

On 01/04/2014 at 4:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland



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