Kellyexpo

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Offline (the 06/14/2015 at 7:01pm)

Kellyexpo

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3881
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Kellyexpo : Weird shit happens to me all the time

Kellyexpo's FML badges

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Kellyexpo's favorite FMLs

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 1:38am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

by spitball101 / 01/12/2014 at 12:26am / Australia / Love

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2014 at 7:26pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Animals

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

by rollergirl13 / 01/11/2014 at 12:55am / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents used my going away party as a cover up for my sister's surprise party. I didn't know until they brought out the cake. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2014 at 9:45pm / Sri Lanka / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

by bear food / 01/07/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

by innocent / 01/06/2014 at 4:32pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I downloaded a movie for my mom that she really likes, "When Harry Met Sally". When she loaded the file, we soon found out it was actually some kind of obscure porno billed as "When Harry Wet Sally". FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2014 at 6:48pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, despite all of the pictures and proof of my fiancé, my parents still think I have an imaginary boyfriend. They met him, and were there when he proposed. They think it's all a joke. FML

by Fiancé problemsss / 01/05/2014 at 2:11am / United States (Montana) / Love

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

by scotsgal / 01/05/2014 at 12:11am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2014 at 8:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2014 at 6:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I've had my tenth "Christmas" dinner since Christmas last took place. My mum has gone nuts and keeps playing Christmas music, making these dinners, and refusing to let me take down the Christmas decorations. My dad is too whipped to save us from this hell. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2014 at 4:31pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous