Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Kandyland

Offline (the 06/04/2015 at 6:21pm) | Search for a member

Kandyland

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 March 1984 (31 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5498
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About Kandyland : My life is completely f*ed.

Kandyland's page activity

Visits<b>poncho55</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 1:06pm<b>Budderchook</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 8:58pm<b>Tempted1</b> - the 12/28/2013 at 10:02am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 12/19/2013 at 5:56pm<b>Mornai</b> - the 09/12/2011 at 3:24am<b>pinklover24</b> - the 02/09/2011 at 6:46pm<b>FFML_314</b> - the 01/27/2011 at 12:29am<b></b> - the 01/24/2011 at 4:28pm<b>sweet_candy_</b> - the 12/30/2010 at 3:22am

Kandyland's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of Kandyland's badges

Kandyland's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

#18036451
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24120) - you deserved it (4351)

On 10/21/2011 at 1:42am - animals - by Dv0829 - United States (Utah)

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

#18015213
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53669) - you deserved it (8344)

On 10/18/2011 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Mini-wanker (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

#17953738
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34783) - you deserved it (24718)

On 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

#17919622
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39132) - you deserved it (10061)

On 10/06/2011 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML

#17901897
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23883) - you deserved it (17143)

On 10/04/2011 at 3:04am - intimacy - by friskeyk14 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML

#17775098
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22433) - you deserved it (3111)

On 09/18/2011 at 8:23pm - love - by DeadScared (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

#17767423
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32024) - you deserved it (8567)

On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

#17575215
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33045) - you deserved it (3228)

On 08/25/2011 at 2:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my grandmother sat me down and gave me a talk about the importance of personal hygiene. According to her, it's important that I shower twice a day, because "Fat people tend to have a most curious smell about them." FML

#17522929
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26666) - you deserved it (10786)

On 08/19/2011 at 8:22pm - health - by Username - United States

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

#17431204
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35304) - you deserved it (5247)

On 08/10/2011 at 5:10pm - love - by 6u174r_d00d - United States

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

#17416952
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45034) - you deserved it (8171)

On 08/09/2011 at 9:48am - work - by Lauren - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was talking with my mom about getting the my school photos retouched. I believe her exact words were, "They'll take one look at you, and charge me triple." FML

#17407714
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29239) - you deserved it (3485)

On 08/08/2011 at 2:12pm - misc - by yupppp (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

#17406072
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22812) - you deserved it (3554)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:12am - misc - by MissArizona (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was driving home from a long day at work fixing people's electronics. When I got home, I got a call from work saying I needed to go back and help a customer with their TV again. When I got there, after an hour of driving, I realized I'd accidentally kicked the power cord out. FML

#17403392
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21997) - you deserved it (5405)

On 08/08/2011 at 1:30am - work - by Dispute (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working in costume at a recreation of a Confederation-era town. I had to convince a visitor that it's not, in fact, an Amish village, and we do actually leave after five. FML

#17402357
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22186) - you deserved it (2614)

On 08/08/2011 at 12:07am - work - by a-mishunderstanding -



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: