Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Kandyland

Offline (the 10/11/2015 at 5:35pm) | Search for a member

Kandyland

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 March 1984 (31 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5977
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About Kandyland : My life is completely f*ed.

Kandyland's page activity

Visits<b>dandee_one</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 8:50am<b>Sh4dey</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 6:20pm<b>poncho55</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 1:06pm<b>Budderchook</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 8:58pm<b>Tempted1</b> - the 12/28/2013 at 10:02am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 12/19/2013 at 5:56pm<b>Mornai</b> - the 09/12/2011 at 3:24am<b>pinklover24</b> - the 02/09/2011 at 6:46pm<b>FFML_314</b> - the 01/27/2011 at 12:29am<b></b> - the 01/24/2011 at 4:28pm<b>sweet_candy_</b> - the 12/30/2010 at 3:22am

Kandyland's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Kandyland's badges

Kandyland's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML

#19851648
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26685) - you deserved it (1872)

On 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

#19770940
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22923) - you deserved it (3268)

On 06/11/2012 at 2:16pm - work - by bronieswillrule5eva (man) - Canada (Prince Edward Island)

Today, I saw a text message on my husband's phone from a "Candice", asking him if he and his wife are still separated, followed by an invitation to spend the night. I never knew we were separated in the first place. FML

#19732983
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41315) - you deserved it (2461)

On 06/04/2012 at 2:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML

#19698892
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20836) - you deserved it (3324)

On 05/29/2012 at 1:10pm - misc - by cunting cunts (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I went to a new deli in town. While waiting in line, I hadn't made up my mind on what to order, so I let the guy behind me go instead. Turns out he was the hundredth customer, and they gave him his lunch for free. FML

#19429984
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33570) - you deserved it (9051)

On 04/08/2012 at 1:18pm - money - by kirsty - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized my daughter has been in longer relationships than I have. FML

#19420745
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15020) - you deserved it (21678)

On 04/06/2012 at 11:41pm - love - by Amber C - United States

Today, I visited my gynecologist. As she had her fingers inside me she decided that was the perfect time to say, "I absolutely love your socks!" FML

#19379891
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23906) - you deserved it (3282)

On 03/31/2012 at 12:22am - health - by GetHardOrGoHome - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML

#18592801
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32256) - you deserved it (3508)

On 12/23/2011 at 9:24pm - love - by unwanted (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a stoplight dropped square into the bed of my pickup truck. The police think I was attempting to steal it, and my insurance won't cover the damage to my truck. There were no witnesses. FML

#18523510
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33399) - you deserved it (2192)

On 12/15/2011 at 10:16pm - misc - by metallicatime - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for a familiar reason; I apparently have night terrors that make me "Impossible to sleep in the same room with." I don't ever remember these dreams. Every other girlfriend I've had has ended up breaking things off with me for the same reason. FML

#18471857
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36558) - you deserved it (4219)

On 12/09/2011 at 9:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I went to court to file a small claim and found myself at the end of a huge line. The moment I got to the front of the line, the fire alarm went off and we all had to leave the building. The moment I got outside, the alarm stopped and everybody rushed back in. I'm at the back of the line. FML

#18461010
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44806) - you deserved it (3635)

On 12/08/2011 at 3:41pm - money - by Dante178 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML

#18444351
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36999) - you deserved it (3096)

On 12/06/2011 at 11:54am - animals - by Rash (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I started at my new waitressing job. Our uniforms have the name of the restaurant on the left chest pocket. My first customer asked me what the other boob was called. FML

#18443540
101 comments

Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML

#18424133
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41441) - you deserved it (5581)

On 12/04/2011 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: