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KandyK16's favorite FMLs
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML
by horriblefashionsense / 09/26/2013 at 11:20am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by NotTheSoulMate / 09/26/2013 at 2:54am / United States / Love
Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML
by burb / 09/25/2013 at 3:23pm / Germany (Berlin) / Love
by Bianchitis / 09/25/2013 at 11:07am / United States / Health
by what / 09/25/2013 at 10:42am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by clarakipper / 09/25/2013 at 3:19am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by so_screwed / 09/25/2013 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML
by littledipper / 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (New York) / Work
by mandm / 09/24/2013 at 5:01pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
by Undercooked / 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML
by Craigslist is Evil. / 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by saraitkddh / 09/24/2013 at 1:51pm / Lebanon / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/24/2013 at 12:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML
by Anonymous / 09/24/2013 at 3:15am / United States (Texas) / Love