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Kallystos

Offline (the 03/16/2014 at 6:55pm) | Search for a member

Kallystos

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 31 July 1989 (25 years)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 314
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Kallystos : I am just me!

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Kallystos's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

#20895842
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51708) - you deserved it (6321)

On 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, at my job as a fourth grade teacher, I realized that most of my students have far nicer and more expensive phones than I can afford. FML

#20892987
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45344) - you deserved it (3431)

On 09/23/2013 at 1:54pm - misc - by poor teacher - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

#20891019
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50397) - you deserved it (9284)

On 09/22/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML

#20889450
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66258) - you deserved it (6396)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:30pm - intimacy - by oops - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving the testicles of her boyfriend, who had apparently snuck in through her window. FML

#20888905
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53392) - you deserved it (5401)

On 09/20/2013 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by disappointed (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

#20888582
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50214) - you deserved it (11265)

On 09/20/2013 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

#20882561
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55186) - you deserved it (27710)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

#20876171
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55514) - you deserved it (12210)

On 09/10/2013 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by CityBoysNow - United States (Missouri)

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49259) - you deserved it (4244)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

#20874571
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53812) - you deserved it (6232)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53053) - you deserved it (19234)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

#20861263
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43250) - you deserved it (7358)

On 08/31/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by fartz (woman) - United States

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

#20755283
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51006) - you deserved it (3323)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by whipplewhip - United States

Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me while screaming, "My precious!" FML

#20701776
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44831) - you deserved it (7207)

On 06/02/2013 at 6:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Thurrock)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60664) - you deserved it (9164)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)



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