Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Kallian

Offline (17 hours ago) | Search for a member

Kallian

20Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 9 November 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3512
  • Number of comments : 275
  • Number of FMLs : 3 confirmed out of 116 posted

About Kallian : I am an early childhood educator currently working with 3 to 5 year olds in a long day care centre. I am NOT a babysitter! Through years of study I have become qualified to educate children at a very impressionable time in their lives, when 90% of their brain development occurs. I believe in teaching our children to recognize and do what is right, instead of blindly obeying orders. Hopefully our newest generation won't turn out as dumb as the last...

Kallian's page activity

Visits<b>rhiannahoward14</b> - 12 hours ago<b>ZelmaSlayer</b> - 19 hours ago<b>magickiss87</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 8:24am<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 5:51am<b>Booksawhi</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 8:15pm<b>thlanyka</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 4:09pm<b>constipation</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 4:55am<b>Corey122726</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:51am<b>Necropool</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 12:54am<b>audigirl227</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 4:34pm<b>poopsiepants</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 4:49am<b>BlankSteve</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 1:34am<b>kebburg</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 11:18pm<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 11:43am<b>___Unknown__08</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 10:30am<b>danthonybrim</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 11:38pm<b>killerpotato21</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 7:44pm<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 2:23am

Fucked!<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 12:54pm<b>Corey122726</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 12:52pm<b>audigirl227</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 10:35pm<b>batman9697</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 7:58am<b>moneylessrc</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 4:46am<b>DaKrustyKrab</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 6:08am<b>khorstmye</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 5:22am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 4:03am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 3:36am<b>powerkeep</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 2:08am<b>Mornai</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 1:16am<b>Nathan23xx</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 2:40pm<b>PonyButt</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 3:16am<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 12:53pm<b>sythe511</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 7:53pm<b>Coachjoost79</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 3:16pm<b>insanecutie</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 7:47pm<b>joshtapp</b> - the 02/03/2015 at 8:33am

Kallian's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

See all of Kallian's badges

Kallian's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting intimate with my current bootycall when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed" "moo-ed" and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

#20198007
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26275) - you deserved it (9238)

On 12/09/2012 at 5:46pm - intimacy - by Bug5992 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

Today, on an important call with a potential employer, he began to speak quieter and quieter until I couldn't hear him at all. When I finally hung up after waiting for 5 minutes, I realized that I had been pressing down on the volume button. FML

#20182071
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7964) - you deserved it (28227)

On 11/27/2012 at 11:58pm - work - by jkmartinjk - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

#20172584
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7411) - you deserved it (32579)

On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

#20171052
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11557) - you deserved it (27405)

On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

#20162223
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8058) - you deserved it (31131)

On 11/13/2012 at 7:43pm - misc - by Z - Australia

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

#20162223
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8058) - you deserved it (31131)

On 11/13/2012 at 7:43pm - misc - by Z - Australia

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

#20162095
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26714) - you deserved it (5086)

On 11/13/2012 at 6:17pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

#20134512
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25271) - you deserved it (3416)

On 10/26/2012 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML

#20133203
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29887) - you deserved it (2473)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Agirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML

#20133203
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29887) - you deserved it (2473)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Agirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found a ticket on my motorcycle for not parking in a designated spot. The space I had parked my bike in was occupied by a large van. Some asshole had moved my bike. FML

Today, I found a ticket on my motorcycle for not parking in a designated spot. The space I had parked my bike in was occupied by a large van. Some asshole had moved my bike. FML

Today, I learned that despite having told them two years ago, my parents still aren't accepting of me being gay. I found this out when my mom called and asked if I was "cured" yet. FML

#20131666
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27401) - you deserved it (5027)

On 10/24/2012 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)



FML's blog

  • FML's Question Time #2: School
  • We tried this before and it went pretty well, so here's another blog section for everyone to have give their opinion on a popular but controversial subject. OK, we're not debating a…

Thursday 23 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: