About Justice_Beaver : I love McFlurries.
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Justice_Beaver's favorite FMLs
by parentfail / 12/11/2010 at 9:44am / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML
by ashlee / 08/31/2010 at 2:07pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by mc_dreamy / 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by Drew / 08/05/2010 at 1:18am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was working, ripping siding off a house. I pulled off a sheet that was over my head. I got rained with what I thought was woodchips that was behind the siding. Turns out they were dead grasshoppers. Guess what I found in my bra after work. FML
by xUnluckyx / 03/18/2010 at 1:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML
by Patrick / 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by insignificant / 10/29/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by diplomaless / 09/14/2009 at 2:58pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML
by gbhlaughingstock / 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
by ....... / 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
by zero_minded12 / 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML
by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML
by Sad / 04/28/2009 at 6:13pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Money
by unlolable4321 / 04/28/2009 at 5:51pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML
by liveforpeace_ / 04/28/2009 at 2:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
- Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long… Today, I was an extra in a movie and I had to play a corpse. At the make up stand, they painted my… Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or…