About Justice_Beaver : I love McFlurries.
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Justice_Beaver's favorite FMLs
Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML
by Kiddo / 09/02/2013 at 2:49am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML
by ggabrams / 08/17/2013 at 8:55am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids
by amiezingme / 07/26/2013 at 9:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by SpiderFather / 07/02/2013 at 4:01am / France / Kids
Today, I went to get new shoes. I'm a pretty tall girl and I have proportional feet. I asked the cute guy who worked there for a size 9.5. He burst into laughter before putting on a shocked face and saying, "Oh wait... You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem. FML
by theyre not THAT big. / 07/01/2013 at 12:35am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
by sorry, kiddo / 06/30/2013 at 5:44pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Kids
by young grandpa / 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML
by I fathered a pussy. / 06/14/2013 at 6:12pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML
by firestar772 / 06/12/2013 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Kids
by Kay / 06/02/2013 at 3:00pm / India (Andhra Pradesh) / Intimacy
by life insurance for 1 / 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML
by Laurel / 05/25/2013 at 12:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by maarkblack / 05/22/2013 at 10:51am / United States / Money
Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML
by Liferuinedforever / 05/14/2013 at 3:13am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I came back from the hospital after back surgery which required putting screws in my spine.… Today, I was travelling in a car. As I was discreetly picking my nose, we drove over a speed bump.…