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Justice_Beaver's favorite FMLs
by 43_clothespins_later / 11/20/2013 at 7:12pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by clodius / 11/20/2013 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (North Lanarkshire) / Intimacy
Today, I had a seizure in class. Being an epileptic, I had warned my professor of the possibility that I could have one in class. She was understanding and seemed very concerned about my issue at the time. After I had the seizure, however, she asked me if I had ever tried exorcism. FML
by seizuregirl17 / 11/19/2013 at 10:00am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, I turned 30. While all my friends are getting married, furthering careers and having children, I'm still sat around being as immature as I was as a teenager. I'm going through a classic case of premature age-jaculation. I laughed for 10 minutes after coming up with that. FML
by crixon42 / 11/18/2013 at 6:39pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
by Anonymous / 11/16/2013 at 2:31pm / Miscellaneous
Today, the day before I'm supposed to leave for a long-anticipated trip to Europe, my mother admitted that she's never paid for it. She only told me she did so I would stop hinting that I wanted to go. I gave up Christmas for this trip. FML
by MyUsernameIsBest / 11/12/2013 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Money
by Falling off the wagon / 11/09/2013 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
by not getting laid / 10/13/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Texas) / Love
by -__-" / 09/29/2013 at 1:45am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by wat / 09/20/2013 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML
by ElizaZee / 09/18/2013 at 9:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by I get the hint / 09/18/2013 at 2:19am / Health
by someone / 09/17/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML
by meganmagee / 09/16/2013 at 2:47pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, my workplace was having a "prices are down" promotion. I had to wear a badge that said, "Down and staying down" all day, opening myself up to a lot of weirdos winking at me or saying, "Oh yeah, I bet you are". FML
by hawkwardd / 09/12/2013 at 3:42am / Australia / Work
- Today, the guy I've been seeing bought me a nice bottle of wine and cooked dinner for me. Later, we… Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he… Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted…