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Jiplo's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/10/2012 at 3:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML
by sonofahypocriticalwhore / 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
by lingadoo / 12/07/2012 at 12:46am / Kuwait (Al Kuwayt) / Miscellaneous
Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
by lonelyandcold / 12/05/2012 at 6:27pm / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Money
Today, I bought my son a nice car for his 18th birthday. When I gave it to him, he just got mad and told me that if I really wanted to spend that much money on him, I should've used it to help him pay for college. FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 6:27am / Israel / Kids
by Tymer / 11/23/2012 at 10:56am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML
by Embarassed / 11/23/2012 at 1:14am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by poorkids / 10/31/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
by Holy Testacles / 10/17/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
by L / 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy
Today, after saving up for weeks, I bought myself an iPad. Because mine is better than the one my parents bought my ten-year-old brother, he got pissed and threw it into our pool. I'm now grounded for getting angry and calling him a bastard in the aftermath. FML
by future missing person maker person thingy / 10/11/2012 at 4:37pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Kids
by anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:53am / United States / Kids
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
by hnickell93 / 10/08/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/08/2012 at 6:27pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Kids
Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML
by TheVirginJenny / 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…