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JimMorrisonROX's FML badges
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JimMorrisonROX's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend of five years broke up with me, saying I've changed and she can't be with someone who's so emotional all the time. Well I'm so sorry that after two weeks, I'm not quite over my brother's death yet. FML
by Anonymous / 08/18/2015 at 12:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by strangely / 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML
by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 10:01am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML
by Anonymous / 05/03/2015 at 1:58am / Finland / Work
Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML
by tumblrinas_at_work / 05/02/2015 at 4:04am / United States (California) / Work
by sianydiddle / 04/30/2015 at 6:36pm / Intimacy
by Ixlovexwaffles / 04/29/2015 at 4:33pm / Intimacy
by advanced history teacher / 04/27/2015 at 12:58am / United States (Arizona) / Work
by parkoursam / 03/10/2015 at 12:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2014 at 4:52pm / Belgium / Love
Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML
by blueballed / 11/29/2014 at 4:08pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Intimacy
Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML
by Anonymous / 11/26/2014 at 2:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by weirdthingtosay / 11/21/2014 at 4:56am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by dwood08 / 11/06/2014 at 8:55pm / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML
by Anonymous / 11/05/2014 at 2:52pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
- Today, I was walking to my car to attend my doctors appointment with a possible broken arm. On my… Today, I decided to buy some vitamin E oil for my sunburn. Little did I know that two minutes after… Today, I discovered that someone keyed my car, leaving a big scratch all the way down the passenger…