About JesusOfNazareth : I am a douchenozzle according to everyone else. Crucify me.
JesusOfNazareth's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
JesusOfNazareth's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by thatsnotmyname / 07/02/2014 at 11:12pm / United States (Mississippi) / Love
Today, my friend excitedly told me about the number of guys who are romantically interested in her. I realized how pathetic my life is when all I could talk about in turn was the number of coupons I got to use today at the store. FML
by doubleCoupon / 06/24/2014 at 2:38pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/22/2014 at 1:27am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by Axelerate / 06/21/2014 at 2:49am / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, I found out how stupid my girlfriend really is. She saw my room for the first time and started yelling at me, calling me racist, white trash for having a Confederate flag hanging on my wall. It's a British flag. FML
by EmptyGlass / 06/19/2014 at 4:04pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by guest / 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was reading butthurt comments about how girl gamers can easily get dates and find love by simply existing. I'm a "girl gamer" who hasn't even found a date, let alone love. I've been looking since I was sixteen. I'm now 27. FML
by AgentRarity / 06/18/2014 at 12:48pm / Love
Today, I was babysitting a little girl. I let her play with a box of old Star Wars toys to keep her occupied while I quickly went to use the bathroom, and when I returned she was making the 15 or so figures have a massive orgy, sex sounds included. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2014 at 6:46pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids
Today, I took a look at my 9-year-old daughter's diary, thinking it would be full of cute stuff. Instead, it was full of hateful rants against me and my husband, as well the boys at her school, who she called gay because none of them ever hit on her. It seems I've failed as a parent. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2014 at 5:38pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by Blaisey / 04/21/2014 at 1:25pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML
by Charlie529 / 02/19/2014 at 10:30am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Health
Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2014 at 5:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I watched the Sochi Winter Games online. Excited by an athlete's victory, I yelled out, "YEAH!" to 20-or-so silent coworkers. As if to redeem myself, I then said, "Don't pretend like you're all working you lot!" Our boss was right behind me. FML
by Anonyme / 02/12/2014 at 4:47am / Work
Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML
by Kaddiscott / 01/20/2014 at 5:12am / Italy (Trentino-Alto Adige) / Miscellaneous
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…