About Jazz_916 : My life mostly consistes of video games, graphic designing, tennis, and cars. What else do you need to know?
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Jazz_916's favorite FMLs
by OnPlanetVenus / 07/04/2013 at 12:41am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
Today, I was on my bike. As I'm rolling through an intersection, some asshat in a pickup runs the red light and hits me. Instead of getting out and helping me, the guy hops out, takes a look at me lying in the street, steals my hat and drives off. That was my favorite hat. FML
by Are you f*cking kidding me / 06/12/2013 at 2:10am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
by harrington61 / 05/19/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML
by Frostbitten / 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML
by gir / 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by Ben / 06/18/2011 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML
by Katrina / 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML
by Lisaaa / 10/27/2010 at 7:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by sickkid / 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was late for a medical school seminar and test. An SUV flipped over on the highway right in front of me. I held pressure to gushing, lacerated artery until EMS arrived. He lived, but I might have to repeat the whole year because I missed a big test. The test? Emergency response medicine. FML
by doctorchick / 08/11/2009 at 8:58pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, our entire crew team was at a yoga studio for an introductory yoga lesson. All my teammates could talk about how hot the yoga instructor was in her tight spandex while doing the sexy yoga poses. Everyone, including the coach, wanted to do her. The yoga instructor is my mom. FML
by unitywoods / 03/27/2009 at 2:43pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
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- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, after hours of non-stop work on an important case, I cheeringly blurted out, "And now, time… Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call…