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Jade_Taylor's favorite FMLs
by madden2014 / 09/19/2013 at 6:23pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy
Today, I was home alone and heard the kitchen tap turn on. Shocked, I turned it off. It continuously kept turning itself on so I set my video phone on it to find out the cause. My cat has learnt to turn it on. I later found said cat teaching another. I have three cats. All my taps are like this. FML
by Madster15 / 09/15/2013 at 2:05am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
by sleeplessinrichmond / 09/15/2013 at 2:02am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML
by Anonymous / 09/14/2013 at 3:32pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old daughter holding a lit lighter to the underside of a spoon, which was full of baking powder. She was trying to breathe in the fumes to get high, and later confessed that she thought it's how heroin is made and used. FML
by Anonymous / 09/13/2013 at 5:40pm / United Kingdom / Kids
by spiritbeast33 / 09/11/2013 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by StefanKa / 09/09/2013 at 5:30am / Poland (Mazowieckie) / Animals
Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML
by lostinspace / 09/04/2013 at 12:24pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML
by etgohome / 08/25/2013 at 8:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML
by why / 08/17/2013 at 10:18am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
by kenbez123 / 08/14/2013 at 3:55am / Malta / Miscellaneous
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
by killme / 12/29/2012 at 5:33pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
by KittenNomNom / 02/22/2012 at 2:40pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
- Today, someone left a can of scentless bugspray next to the stove, I greased a cake pan with it and… Today, while flying 2,000+ miles from New York to Salt Lake City, I realized that I forgot to ask… Today, I had 45 minutes spare between appointments to do some work at the office. I needed to print…