JadeKnives

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Offline (the 09/06/2014 at 6:50am)

JadeKnives

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 April 1998 (18 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5660
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About JadeKnives : Just message if you want to know stuff about me.

JadeKnives's page activity

Visits<b>watchwhileusleep</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 10:16pm<b>amoredeniro</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 2:04pm<b>elial</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 4:35am<b>Rebecca4826</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 6:04am<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 1:53pm<b>tifdunc</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 11:26pm<b>awesommessofpies</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 10:48pm<b>lamalie</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 12:12am<b>carecow</b> - the 12/14/2013 at 10:14pm<b>jaminben</b> - the 11/01/2013 at 8:05pm<b>kaiyybee</b> - the 10/23/2013 at 10:54am<b>Bouh</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 2:39pm<b>Pixela7</b> - the 10/10/2013 at 10:42pm<b>LaurenFox</b> - the 10/09/2013 at 6:45pm<b>Funnyman324</b> - the 10/08/2013 at 3:28pm<b>sCrEaMiNgToAsT</b> - the 08/23/2013 at 4:19am<b>TrueTriage</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 3:33pm<b>Ruben_alves</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 3:12pm

JadeKnives's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of JadeKnives's badges

JadeKnives's favorite FMLs

Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2014 at 7:13pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

by disappointedjamaican / 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 1:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

by FUCK YOU / 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

by Ballsy427 / 07/25/2014 at 8:05am / United States (Armed Forces Pacific) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2014 at 4:00pm / Spain (Catalonia) / Intimacy

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

by massachusettsan / 06/24/2014 at 8:07pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML

by confusing / 06/06/2014 at 3:00pm / Zimbabwe / Work

Today, I realized that because of my construction job, I have spent such a huge amount of time with older, cynical guys that I keep uncontrollably using the phrase "fucking kids these days" regularly like an idiot. I'm 18. FML

by workfordayzz / 05/14/2014 at 1:45pm / United States / Work

Today, I took a pregnancy test because I'd missed a few periods, gained weight, and been moody. Turns out I'm just fat and moody. FML

by thanks4support / 05/14/2014 at 9:12am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2014 at 10:31pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2014 at 10:04am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

by god / 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm / United Kingdom (West Lothian) / Miscellaneous