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Jace_____Rains's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML
by anna / 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm / United States (Mississippi) / Kids
Today, I was wearing a letterman jacket that had my school name and "Okinawa Japan" on the back. A high school kid walks up to me and says, "I can't forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor." I'm black. FML
by The_FN_Gunny / 10/29/2013 at 6:31pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Asshole hornet / 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by snowwhite / 10/28/2013 at 12:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML
by SharkWeek / 10/27/2013 at 11:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I saw a wasp on the ground, apparently injured and unable to fly. It was being mobbed by ants and looked certain to die, so I stamped on the ants to save its life. At this point it sprung up, stung me, then flew off. FML
by MBean / 10/24/2013 at 2:04pm / Anguilla / Animals
Today, my boss made me play golf with some executives of a company we're hoping to secure a business deal with, despite me having no golf training. My first swing ended up with me being rushed to the hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 5:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Health
by vrossie_ / 09/08/2013 at 1:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/08/2013 at 1:42am / United States (Alabama) / Love
Today, I was prank called yet again by someone asking for a game that was released over 10 years ago. The store I work at only sells modern titles, and I angrily slammed the phone down. My boss saw and fired me on the spot. FML
by rashpimplezitz / 09/08/2013 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Work
Today, my sister-in-law pooped with the bathroom door open until my husband had to tell her to close it, then she came out with unwashed hands and started rooting through the cookies. This isn't even the most unhygienic thing she's done today. FML
by Anonymous / 09/07/2013 at 7:26am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML
by Anonymous / 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at Walmart, a woman kept screaming at her husband for the most ridiculous reasons. My friend snickered that she must be on her period, prompting her to whirl around, storm over, and slap the hell out of me, thinking I was the one who said it. FML
by what's a rimjob between friends? / 09/06/2013 at 5:42pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by jesus christ, dad / 09/06/2013 at 12:48pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML
by Anonymous / 09/05/2013 at 3:11pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
- Today, to prove that my girlfriend is a "total skank", my best friend seduced her and showed me the… Today, my girlfriend decided to invite her best friend over for a threesome. This would've been the… Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the…
- Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by telling me he got another girl pregnant and… Today, when I came home from work I found out that my roommate had allowed her best friend's 6 kids… Today, my younger sister is taller than me. I'm 5 years older than her, I am male, and I am 17. FML.