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J_Kertz

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J_Kertz
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 156
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About J_Kertz : Musician. Mentored by Dave Mustaine of Megadeth... The Voice Season 5 ✌️ Hit me up if you'd like to check out my band =)

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J_Kertz's favorite FMLs

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

Today, I needed to borrow money from my girlfriend. I went into her bag and pulled out the money all while a lady watched me open-mouthed. Turns out it wasn't my girlfriend's bag. It belonged to the lady watching me. FML

#21062237
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36089) - you deserved it (16194)

On 02/16/2014 at 7:56am - money - by anon - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

#21030923
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38834) - you deserved it (7498)

On 01/17/2014 at 3:56pm - health - by sausages (man) - Macedonia (Karpos)

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

#21030771
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41792) - you deserved it (3840)

On 01/17/2014 at 11:24am - health - by crap - United States (Ohio)

Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML

#20978596
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31534) - you deserved it (4830)

On 12/02/2013 at 7:56pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Baja California)

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

#20977509
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39823) - you deserved it (4772)

On 12/01/2013 at 9:50pm - kids - by no she wasn't high - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML

#20977444
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36072) - you deserved it (3422)

On 12/01/2013 at 8:57pm - love - by bad poet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my fiancé left me waiting at the train station for two and a half hours because he offered his ex-girlfriend a lift to her friends wedding that was a few cities away. I normally wouldn't have minded, but I'm 6 months pregnant and it was pouring with rain. FML

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

#20974515
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50570) - you deserved it (4702)

On 11/29/2013 at 6:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML

#20971859
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39020) - you deserved it (3975)

On 11/26/2013 at 10:11pm - work - by tortured (man) - United States

Today, I was searched and questioned at the airport for having an apple. FML

#20971832
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36760) - you deserved it (4110)

On 11/26/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML

#20971434
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43997) - you deserved it (10220)

On 11/26/2013 at 3:00pm - love - by Amanda (woman) - United States

Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML

#20969310
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34494) - you deserved it (6646)

On 11/24/2013 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML

#20968993
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36428) - you deserved it (3568)

On 11/24/2013 at 1:31pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I realized my wedding ring had fallen off while doing yard work the previous day. Luckily, I only worked in a few areas, so I had high hopes of finding it. That is until a storm came through, blew half a foot of leaves all over the property, and then froze them with sleet. FML



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