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JJBADGE10's favorite FMLs
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/07/2013 at 4:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals
by hopelesscollegechick / 05/07/2013 at 2:14pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML
by Marmarfarfar / 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by serialkillingex / 05/07/2013 at 3:45am / Netherlands / Love
Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML
by the girl next door / 05/07/2013 at 1:10am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 11:27pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML
by blondie107 / 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 2:13pm / Ireland (Donegal) / Love
by Alone / 05/06/2013 at 10:24am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 4:35am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
by SkeetinKeaton / 05/06/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Kids
by wat_dafuq_bro / 05/06/2013 at 2:06am / Miscellaneous
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 2:09am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I visited my parents with my four year old. My son started to excitedly tell his grandmother… Today, I found out that a very close friend of mine masturbates to photos of me on my Instagram and… Today, I discovered our dog anxiety-sharts in his sleep. I found this out after a couple nights of…