About Iwtumn : I read, I knit, I bake and I drink a lot of tea. Yeah, I'm basically a grandma in the body of someone in their twenties.
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Iwtumn's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids
by jpmetz / 09/26/2011 at 12:29am / United States (Michigan) / Money
Today, while letting horses out to switch pasture, one ran at me, sending me through the electric fence and into a mud puddle. Wrapped in electric fence, I sat in that electric mud puddle, screaming every time it shocked me. Help arrived, once they'd had a good long laugh. FML
by electricpuddle / 04/24/2011 at 9:11pm / Animals
Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed me towards some bushes. I slid over to them, and pulled my panties down. My skis then started sliding back down the slope. I ended up gliding through the bushes, all the way down to the rest of the group. FML
by sandra22 / 01/22/2011 at 3:49am / Miscellaneous
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy
Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2010 at 6:50am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Jen / 12/01/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by sickkid / 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, in the middle of an exam, I was escorted out by the campus police due to suspicion of a concealed weapon. The officers couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes when they found out the weapon was metal knitting needles. FML
by dangerousknitter / 10/07/2009 at 8:38pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML
by Anathema_360 / 09/20/2009 at 7:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Jeweler / 06/26/2009 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML
by rain / 05/31/2009 at 10:05pm / United States (West Virginia) / Love
by deucelututi / 05/31/2009 at 8:03am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I… Today, I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail. He got arrested because he was tugging his man-meat… Today, after using the bar of soap in the shower to wash my face, I looked down and noticed it was…