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InuYashaFanGirl's favorite FMLs
Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML
by Stacy / 07/13/2013 at 12:22am / United States / Love
Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 1:28pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML
by Anonymous / 07/11/2013 at 10:24am / United States / Intimacy
by whowhat / 07/11/2013 at 2:26am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML
by frustrated / 07/11/2013 at 12:52am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
by my honest father / 07/10/2013 at 12:33pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML
by John / 07/09/2013 at 10:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML
by Garchomp / 07/08/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Kansas) / Work
by NathanA / 07/08/2013 at 7:54pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML
by Anonymous / 07/06/2013 at 5:45pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
by The fuck, junior? / 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 2:11am / United States (Iowa) / Money
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
by idk ask freud / 07/04/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, because I’m on my period, I asked my boyfriend to turn around so I could change my clothes.…