Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Intoxicunt

Search for a member

Intoxicunt
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 15532
  • Number of comments : 2882
  • Number of FMLs : 2 confirmed out of 10 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Intoxicunt's last visitors

FML_EllesaucethemanIceMan11AmanyyyyyyAllornoneRaelthelambmoriartywasrealgreeneyebeauty9fleurettaAlready_Dead

Intoxicunt's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Follow up

You subsequently gave feedback by commenting on an FML that you’d submitted and was published.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of Intoxicunt's badges

Intoxicunt's favorite FMLs

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

#5724132
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40016) - you deserved it (2866)

On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was at the Salvation Army when I saw a wheelchair in the miscellaneous aisle. I thought it would be fun to ride around in it. As I was wheeling it back to where I found it, I made it back just as it's owner was hobbling out of the dressing room. FML

#5703197
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5177) - you deserved it (35323)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:58pm - misc - by imok (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

#5441991
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9570) - you deserved it (71040)

On 09/24/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by doggybag (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I got back from vacation and realised I still had the motel key. The key-ring has the address on it, so you can post it back to them. I drove to the postbox and posted the key. I then discovered that the motel key won't start my car. FML

#5425393
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13649) - you deserved it (34276)

On 09/23/2009 at 9:15am - misc - by fmlxxxx (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I was giving a speech to my 300 some-odd person class. All throughout it, people had been giggling and cackling while I was speaking. I soon realized that my pants had been unzipped. I accidentally fell asleep with all my underwear in the washer last night and had gone commando that day. FML

#5288482
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33294) - you deserved it (18662)

On 09/16/2009 at 6:21am - misc - by BluesMan1990 (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML

#5228952
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36916) - you deserved it (3829)

On 09/13/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I got a promotion to management at work. My employer decided to give the 'non-management' employees a really nice raise. Which means the job I had before my promotion is now paying more than the job I have now. Did I just get demoted? FML

#5221967
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36656) - you deserved it (2046)

On 09/13/2009 at 2:12am - work - by ofcourse (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML

#5164209
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41107) - you deserved it (3914)

On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in an unfamiliar building on campus and I needed to use the bathroom before class started. I walked in and saw a man at the sink. I said "Oh my god I'm sorry! I thought this was the women's washroom." It was. The very butch looking woman gave me a look of death. FML

#4957088
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33290) - you deserved it (7494)

On 08/31/2009 at 5:18pm - misc - by Cherie (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

#4874486
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44368) - you deserved it (6023)

On 08/28/2009 at 12:41am - kids - by mariokarter (woman) - United Kingdom (London)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: