Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Online | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Columbia, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 30 March 1997 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1004
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Immortal_Toaster : Just a dumb kid working on my life.

Immortal_Toaster's page activity

Visits<b>sabby7</b> - 22 hours ago<b>lkah</b> - yesterday at 8:38am<b>Moskaaa7</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 1:31pm<b>Stephanoze</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 4:57pm<b>FelicityWishes</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 11:37pm<b>Steffi3</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 5:45am<b>snowkittyyy</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 11:03pm<b>polariz</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 11:32am<b>zarrganaut</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 10:19pm<b>mhmdgrsd</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 1:04am<b>Kevin_Kestel</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 3:51pm<b>SourPatchTeen</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 3:14am<b>Hillbilly_Smoke</b> - the 12/15/2015 at 1:21pm<b>ImTheAlpha</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 2:04am<b>KaylaRenee1122</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 9:58pm<b>weirdncrazy</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 10:45pm<b>mubaki</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 12:05am<b>sorryheadphones</b> - the 10/14/2015 at 9:01am

Fucked!<b>Moskaaa7</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 12:25pm<b>snowkittyyy</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 5:03am<b>Kevin_Kestel</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 9:51pm<b>Stephanoze</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 6:56am<b>Hillbilly_Smoke</b> - the 12/15/2015 at 7:21pm<b>ImTheAlpha</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 8:04am<b>0XBlazeX0</b> - the 09/15/2015 at 12:04am<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 11:05pm<b>feeloona</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 11:04pm<b>polariz</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 10:16am<b>ToxicPlant</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 1:36am<b>KaylaRenee1122</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 5:44am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 4:31am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 11:45pm<b>ksks1234</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 10:48pm<b>Steve95401</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 9:14pm

Immortal_Toaster's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of Immortal_Toaster's badges

Immortal_Toaster's favorite FMLs

Today, I came inside a girl's vagina by accident. Neither one of us wants her to be pregnant, and I had to spend half an hour with her sitting on my face, while I sucked my own cum out of her. I don't even know if this will work. FML


I agree, your life sucks (8054) - you deserved it (42755)

On 02/10/2016 at 9:12pm - intimacy - by nickncik (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has a Facebook account. He said he didn't have one. Apparently he's not divorced after all. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23653) - you deserved it (2115)

On 12/29/2015 at 7:04am - love - by debiebs (woman) - Brazil (Bahia)

Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26277) - you deserved it (2693)

On 12/04/2015 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was convinced to face my fears of rollercoasters by a friend. I'm writing this at the highest point of the ride after being stuck over thirty minutes. FML

Today, I found out that the medicine I've been taking for my headaches is responsible for my headaches getting even worse. FML

Today, a homeless man asked me for some change. Not having any cash, I gave him a gift card for the restaurant I work at. When I got home I realized I gave him my credit card. FML

Today, I found out that the nickname my friend has been calling me in Japanese for the past year is the word for "Idiot". FML


I agree, your life sucks (27452) - you deserved it (4895)

On 04/05/2015 at 11:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I asked my professor for his opinion on the subject I plan to study in my thesis. Turns out, he likes it so much that he's going to steal it from me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35341) - you deserved it (2834)

On 03/11/2015 at 10:01am - work - by nothesisforme - France

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30472) - you deserved it (2440)

On 03/03/2015 at 2:06pm - work - by miewann - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41939) - you deserved it (3184)

On 01/05/2015 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by innocent (woman) - United States

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23628) - you deserved it (57592)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:09am - health - by Ow (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML


I agree, your life sucks (45677) - you deserved it (4270)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML


I agree, your life sucks (56713) - you deserved it (8293)

On 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm - kids - by uselessdad - Singapore

Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML


I agree, your life sucks (185212) - you deserved it (9586)

On 10/07/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by dinosaurman (man) - Canada (Ontario)

FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: