Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

ImTheAlpha

Offline (11 hours ago) | Search for a member

ImTheAlpha

9Fucked!

ImTheAlphaImTheAlpha
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8136
  • Number of comments : 575
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About ImTheAlpha : 1 l1k3 5h339 4nd 57uff 🐑. Looks like a dude (for the most part. My hair is too fabulous!). Likes Industrial, Punk, and Goth fashion and music. Doesn't understand the elitist attitude, though. Likes (and hates) politics. Likes anime. And Twitch Plays Pokemon. And Homestuck for some reason. Combat Boots are love. Cyberpunk is life. Has a deviantart account and is scarred for life by what has been found there. Will occasionally refer to oneself as oneself and use archaic words. My mom never taught me which words are still in use. Is an asthmatic hallucinating biohazard. message me if you wanna talk, I don't bite people I don't know. I'm so booooorrrreeeeeddd notice me senpai I HAVE SUCCEEDED AT GETTING MODERATED look at all the profile pictures! :33 I congratulate those who get this far.

ImTheAlpha's page activity

Visits<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 4:25pm<b>Furby94</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 3:48pm<b>countryboy91290</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 10:03am<b>Steve95401</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 8:42am<b>killerpotato21</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 11:55pm<b>khoov19</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 3:47am<b>kaseycat</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 10:35pm<b>supreme_umbra</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 4:34pm<b>knightofdarkness</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 5:37pm<b>amcquaid</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 7:02pm<b>origamidragon</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 10:07pm<b>Liamj774</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 4:42am<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 9:56am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 9:30am<b>ksks1234</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 10:25pm<b>mastamouse</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 1:46am<b>Madrias</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 2:08pm<b>BlondePsycho</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 10:13am

Fucked!<b>khoov19</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 9:48am<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 2:56pm<b>knightofdarkness</b> - the 03/08/2015 at 4:04am<b>poncho55</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 7:44pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 4:56am<b>calvo_07</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 10:50pm<b>Live4funny</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 6:42am<b>nightfire2258</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 4:29am<b>dylanger16</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 2:13am

ImTheAlpha's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of ImTheAlpha's badges

ImTheAlpha's favorite FMLs

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend when we came across the most beautiful piece of Japanese furniture. When I inspected it closely, my boyfriend started laughing. Turns out I was making the same noise I make when I orgasm in reaction to a piece of furniture. FML

#21386402
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25189) - you deserved it (4138)

On 04/02/2015 at 8:20am - misc - by Repethetic (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

#21382327
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28393) - you deserved it (3027)

On 03/27/2015 at 9:29am - kids - by njh - Ireland

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML

#21378402
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31911) - you deserved it (2152)

On 03/20/2015 at 1:50pm - love - by not picking up (man) - Slovenia (Skofljica)

Today, while discussing my grades with my mother, she told me that when she was my age she was dumb but hardworking, and my dad was lazy but very smart. She then added, "You managed to get the worst out of each of us." FML

#21372077
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28396) - you deserved it (3139)

On 03/10/2015 at 8:19pm - misc - by Daughter of the year - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

#21367918
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25) - you deserved it (65)

On 03/04/2015 at 10:03am - health - by actually just constipated.. and stupid - Tunisia

Today, my drunken mom began to frantically scream "YEAH" "WOO HOO" and "ALRIGHT" at some kindergarteners that were singing Amazing Grace in honor of a restaurant owner who had recently died. FML

#21365671
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30508) - you deserved it (2135)

On 03/01/2015 at 2:07am - misc - by RadioactiveKush - United States (Georgia)

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

#21365242
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18734) - you deserved it (55343)

On 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

#21365080
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35541) - you deserved it (2265)

On 02/28/2015 at 4:04am - health - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I am still finding glitter in my ass crack after a concert last night that had a confetti cannon. Thanks Marilyn Manson, I feel so metal now. FML

Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML

#21361518
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34539) - you deserved it (2906)

On 02/23/2015 at 2:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to have a pre-cancerous mole removed off of my nose. When the doctor numbed my nose, she didn't check to see if the anesthetic actually worked, and began hacking away at my nose, leaving me to feel every last flick of the razor. Turns out I have an immunity to that anesthetic. FML

#21346273
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27910) - you deserved it (2158)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:00pm - health - by ThatWasntFun - United States (Florida)

Today, all day, in a huge blizzard, I've been stuck with a very nice, but very ugly, toothless and rather large and somewhat smelly woman, who has been continuously saying, "It feels like we're dating. Doesn't it feel like we're dating?" Ugh. No, no it doesn't. And please don't kill me. FML

#21344628
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23984) - you deserved it (2366)

On 01/26/2015 at 5:19pm - misc - by Yellow an (man) - United States

Today, I was fired for "blatant, inexcusable racism". My boss had asked me which website background I preferred for our company, and I said that white backgrounds are usually best. He thinks that I believe in white supremacy, and that's bad for the company's image. FML

#21334747
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32079) - you deserved it (2358)

On 01/10/2015 at 10:02pm - work - by Jem (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML

#21333775
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29935) - you deserved it (6122)

On 01/09/2015 at 4:11am - love - by pitytitty (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Elaillce's illustrated FML
  • So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're supposed to talk to people? OK, I know nothing about sports and teams, but I…

Friday 17 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: