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ImAndrew59

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ImAndrew59
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 4 September 1995 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 49
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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ImAndrew59's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally asked the cashier at Wendy's how much their 99 cent chicken nuggets were. I guess he is still laughing at me. FML

#21056193
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34516) - you deserved it (17748)

On 02/10/2014 at 10:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

#21046394
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41525) - you deserved it (7678)

On 01/31/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML

#20958238
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35011) - you deserved it (2323)

On 11/15/2013 at 12:00am - misc - by Eggs (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

#20946588
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35975) - you deserved it (2942)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by :/ (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

#20942539
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42410) - you deserved it (4565)

On 11/02/2013 at 1:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

#20942318
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51250) - you deserved it (4096)

On 11/02/2013 at 9:21am - intimacy - by justme - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during sex. I sat there while he explained to the doctor how it was the best orgasm ever. FML

#20924645
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40288) - you deserved it (4831)

On 10/17/2013 at 11:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. His reason was that my laugh is really annoying and makes him want to "stick a baby in a blender". FML

#20786622
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43453) - you deserved it (8600)

On 07/16/2013 at 4:32pm - love - by ... cheers (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

#20759842
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42595) - you deserved it (4141)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:39pm - health - by good big sister? (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

#20743211
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48685) - you deserved it (6844)

On 06/23/2013 at 7:36pm - kids - by joe - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

#20731946
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57307) - you deserved it (35814)

On 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm - kids - by young grandpa - United States (Georgia)

Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML

#20583359
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38477) - you deserved it (18620)

On 04/10/2013 at 9:26am - kids - by fatmom (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

#20579781
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13595) - you deserved it (54894)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

#20569678
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36137) - you deserved it (4954)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:57am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyyoufreaks (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

#20551973
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39801) - you deserved it (5612)

On 03/20/2013 at 7:07am - intimacy - by Why son, why? (man) - United States



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