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IceCreamm's favorite FMLs
Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML
by Waste Someone Else's Time / 06/28/2015 at 1:06am / United States / Love
by 1234 / 06/22/2015 at 7:26am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/06/2015 at 12:20am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2015 at 11:51pm / Australia / Kids
by zheiraT / 05/22/2015 at 3:44pm / United States (Maine) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/21/2015 at 4:41pm / United States / Work
Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML
by YouDontSay / 05/10/2015 at 11:35am / Ireland (Dublin) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/08/2015 at 12:59pm / India (Delhi) / Intimacy
Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML
by pop, pop / 05/08/2015 at 11:44am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I decided it was time to start looking for my own place and finally gain my full independence. My mom agreed happily without hesitation, which was surprising, but not anywhere near as surprising as finding out I have one day to get my shit together and leave. FML
by anonymous / 05/05/2015 at 2:42am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/03/2015 at 3:42am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by almost_a_pro / 04/23/2015 at 9:43am / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML
by khaoslife / 04/17/2015 at 11:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Health
Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2015 at 11:23am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/10/2015 at 9:51am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…