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Offline (the 05/28/2015 at 8:28am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5115
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About I_Am_Lamp_ : Yes...come hither my dear child...into the realm of this dystopian website...

I_Am_Lamp_'s page activity

Visits<b>joanna1995</b> - the 06/08/2016 at 1:21am<b>Justkidding100</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 1:54am<b>tranced_</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 10:12am<b>EpicKassi</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 10:42am<b>lolonewsom</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 1:31pm<b>0XBlazeX0</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 10:50pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 1:47pm<b>Miizuo</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 3:39am<b>kaseycat</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 4:21pm<b>Exodiafinder687</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 2:56pm<b>moodsoflol</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 2:39pm<b>TheBelt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 2:35pm<b>nap_thyme</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 1:00am<b>antonaijamese</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 7:04pm<b>SerendipityRose</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 9:54am<b>lukian</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 7:31pm<b>BMACS02</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 1:23pm<b>FitFriday</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 5:06pm

Fucked!<b>tranced_</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 4:12pm<b>EpicKassi</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 4:43pm<b>joanna1995</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 8:33am<b>SerendipityRose</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 3:54pm<b>nap_thyme</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 9:25pm<b>jenamalone</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 9:14am<b>NarutoLove</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 9:16am<b>Sassy_Kitten96</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 3:33am<b>Leigghhh</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 7:48pm<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 12:03pm<b>Steve95401</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 3:44am<b>shiffizzle</b> - the 03/08/2015 at 3:03am<b>mwali02</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 3:03am<b>BBeffedmylife</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 3:27am<b>ChampHero</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 4:10pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 5:02am<b>vampy719</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 6:01pm<b>xsydneyx123</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 6:22am

I_Am_Lamp_'s FML badges

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I_Am_Lamp_'s favorite FMLs

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 10:01am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML

by Notthatone / 04/21/2015 at 7:00pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2015 at 11:23am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Kids

Today, I found out that the nickname my friend has been calling me in Japanese for the past year is the word for "Idiot". FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2015 at 11:31pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML

by soontobewidow / 03/28/2015 at 5:20am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Intimacy

Today, I heard what sounded like water against my window, and I couldn't believe it was raining in Southern California at this time of the year. I then turned to the window to see a hobo peeing on my window. FML

by jumanji / 03/23/2015 at 7:19pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2015 at 12:56pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Work

Today, my brother wore a T-shirt to my birthday party that said "I dig skinny chicks". I'm a recovering anorexic and told him that I didn't really like his shirt. His response? "Don't let the liberal media brainwash you into thinking it's OK to be fat." FML

by Idigrespectfulattire / 03/17/2015 at 8:18pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up this morning in a panic. Last night, I heard scratching at my door, but I thought it was just my cat and went back to sleep. This morning, it hit me that my cat is 600 miles away living with my mom in Iowa. I'm terrified to even sleep now. FML

by no salt, no burning, just STFU / 03/08/2015 at 10:41am / United States / Animals

Today, I was checking the family's computer history, and found that "Shrek Porn" had been searched multiple times. FML

by mszoe / 03/01/2015 at 1:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML

by Y_Y / 02/27/2015 at 3:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2015 at 2:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

by tulisa / 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I'm an intern working in a company's reception area, which happens to have a coffee dispenser. As I'm the new girl, every client getting coffee wants to buy me one. I'm too polite to say no. It's 10:26 AM, and I'm on cup #17. FML

by chloe_zjk / 02/18/2015 at 12:22am / France / Work

Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2015 at 10:25pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous