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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
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HopelesslyCiara5's favorite FMLs
by clumsy / 05/06/2013 at 8:45pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 2:13pm / Ireland (Donegal) / Love
Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2013 at 11:53am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML
by Anonymous / 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Miscellaneous
Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML
by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous
by AbhorrentApplication / 04/28/2013 at 7:40pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by shameless / 04/28/2013 at 6:24pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticed a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing directly towards the shower which I stood in butt-naked. I live by myself and have recently only moved in. FML
by wtfisgoingon / 04/28/2013 at 6:30am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 11:34am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
by ldn / 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm / Slovenia (Bohinj) / Intimacy
by Why son, why? / 03/20/2013 at 7:07am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML
by fredo / 03/19/2013 at 8:31am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
by Susan / 03/18/2013 at 4:59am / Ireland / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
by Anonymous / 02/03/2013 at 11:27am / Serbia / Intimacy
- Today, it marks the 36th week of my pregnancy. I found out that on top of my 9-month long case of… Today, I had a soccer game. My coach decided to make me be goalie, even though i've never played as… Today, I found out that the manager of my old job, that I absolutely hated and told I quit with a 2…