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  • Number of visits : 254
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Hmmm_userne's page activity

Visits<b>lyssgross</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 2:26am<b>losername77</b> - the 07/15/2013 at 11:25pm<b>olpally</b> - the 07/14/2013 at 8:53pm

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Hmmm_userne's favorite FMLs

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML

by JN5SLK / 11/08/2013 at 5:29pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

by D: / 10/06/2013 at 1:13pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML

by Grand Slam / 09/10/2013 at 2:44pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told a guy he should be ashamed of himself for parking in a handicapped space. He hit me with his prosthetic leg. FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 9:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a suicide prevention walk with a girl I like. Before the walk, we bought balloons to set free when they called the names of the deceased. To buy a balloon, you had to write a name on a sheet. Apparently, you weren't supposed to write your own. They called my name. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working as a cashier, a really cute guy came up and said, "Hi Morgan". I freaked out and asked him how he knew my name. He then replied, "You have a name tag". FML

by anon / 09/09/2013 at 5:51pm / Work

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. -Mom and Dad." FML

by anon / 09/09/2013 at 11:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that my parrots now can shit horizontally when I found the wall next to the cage covered in feces. FML

by StefanKa / 09/09/2013 at 5:30am / Poland (Mazowieckie) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML

by sillydoggy / 09/08/2013 at 9:42pm / United States / Animals

Today, I took my girlfriend to a public place before confessing that I've been seeing another woman, to avoid a dramatic scene. After being rushed to the hospital with a concussion and broken nose, I think it's safe to say my plan didn't go very well. FML

by verbaltodomestic / 09/08/2013 at 3:31pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm / Switzerland (Bern) / Work

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through my birthday card. FML

by brycepetrillo / 09/07/2013 at 12:08pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous