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Hitsuji

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Hitsuji
  • Town/Country : Blankity, US
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2002
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

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Hitsuji's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML

#18936421
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28202) - you deserved it (2187)

On 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm - love - by Shelly P. (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

#18898417
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33440) - you deserved it (2891)

On 01/24/2012 at 12:31pm - love - by Allergic (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm so broke that when I got out of the shower, I had to slowly dry myself off with a ShamWow sample I received in the mail. FML

#18871908
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24161) - you deserved it (3571)

On 01/21/2012 at 3:38pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher; I've already given students detention for falling asleep in class this year. FML

#18765510
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6411) - you deserved it (35460)

On 01/10/2012 at 9:50am - work - by nevasurprised - Germany

Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML

#18753577
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28823) - you deserved it (5573)

On 01/09/2012 at 1:14am - love - by Whyme (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

#18685700
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36695) - you deserved it (5487)

On 01/02/2012 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to write a romantic email to my boyfriend describing how much I love and miss him. An hour later, I got an email back saying, "I think we need to discuss this." It seems I sent it to my teacher by mistake. FML

#18675253
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23615) - you deserved it (10378)

On 01/01/2012 at 2:02pm - love - by mjbx (woman) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, I bought cupcakes from a bakery by my work. I took them home, at which point my mother screamed at me because she's on a diet. Hours later I found the whole box empty. Great self-control, mom. FML

#18649240
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22072) - you deserved it (4031)

On 12/29/2011 at 11:56pm - misc - by hdkgdkvdjd - United States (California)

Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML

#18617176
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22430) - you deserved it (3539)

On 12/26/2011 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

#18605439
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14655) - you deserved it (45865)

On 12/25/2011 at 6:39am - animals - by Anonymoose (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

#18483356
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46351) - you deserved it (7418)

On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML

#18474194
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19064) - you deserved it (15809)

On 12/10/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by godhatesme (man) - United States

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8738) - you deserved it (68019)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States

Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML

#18406735
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37676) - you deserved it (2853)

On 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm - health - by unknown52 - Netherlands (Overijssel)

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

#18370889
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36066) - you deserved it (9018)

On 11/27/2011 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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