About Hazelino : i'm a proffesional conversationkiller
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Hazelino's favorite FMLs
Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML
by therundown / 07/20/2011 at 9:38am / United States (Ohio) / Health
by anon / 07/20/2011 at 3:55am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by anon / 07/14/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by sbutler / 07/14/2011 at 4:14pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML
by gir / 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML
by Boo / 07/14/2011 at 4:59am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandfather read a poem he'd written about how he had taken my grandmother's virginity 60 years ago. It went on for about 30 minutes. FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2011 at 4:40am / Austria / Intimacy
by j1hill33 / 07/14/2011 at 1:09am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I couldn't shut a drawer in my kitchen, because an oven mitt was blocking it. An oven mitt filled with tin-foil wrapped electronics. My Mom believes Internet hackers can get into her digital camera and prepaid cell phone, and apparently tin-foil will prevent that. FML
by BelleCharmante / 07/14/2011 at 12:50am / United States (North Carolina) / Geek
Today, I'm staying with my mother for a week. Every time I eat something, she tells me that it's "swimsuit season" and that I need to eat less. Every time I say I'm not hungry, she panics and insists I have an eating disorder. I can't win. FML
by argh / 07/13/2011 at 7:49pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by CatOwner / 07/11/2011 at 10:15pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by Canuckster / 07/10/2011 at 5:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/10/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by 8sq / 06/10/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…