About HarpoKeane : Having a good time retired from the Defence Forces. Woo hoo. Don't bother mailing as I'm passed out in the gutter outside your mothers house ;)
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HarpoKeane's favorite FMLs
Today, I accidentally dropped and shattered my small bathroom mirror. My sister came to see what was going on, took one look at the shattered mirror, and said, "About time you put it out if its misery." FML
by fuck you btichass cuntshit / 08/20/2015 at 12:18pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML
by killme / 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by bye loser / 10/20/2014 at 5:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML
by tw@ / 09/28/2014 at 11:30am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML
by drunk under 18 teenager / 08/19/2014 at 9:37am / Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz) / Geek
by Anonymous / 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML
by rollergirl13 / 01/11/2014 at 12:55am / United States (Alaska) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 3:18pm / Jamaica (Saint Andrew) / Intimacy
Today, at work, I had to explain to my co-manager at work what a period was, after he refused to let an employee go change her tampon. Afterwards, he panicked, saying he thought women made that up so they didn't have to have sex, before trying to send her to the hospital and fainting. We're 24. FML
by TheTruthofWomen / 11/04/2013 at 12:45am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm / United States (South Dakota) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/08/2013 at 6:34am / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML
by jay ze punk / 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love
by Money-money-money / 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm / France / Money
Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML
by Embarassed / 11/23/2012 at 1:14am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML
by dating a fking cnt / 11/09/2012 at 7:16pm / Canada / Health
- Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I… Today, I went home after work with my best friend who I am also secretly in love with. We had a few… Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be…