About HSSN19 : Apparently, I'm a cynical-yet-compassionate robot.
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HSSN19's favorite FMLs
Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML
by jcdc / 05/20/2012 at 11:03am / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
by sick and awkward / 05/20/2012 at 2:11am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by tinydancer / 05/10/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/07/2012 at 10:52pm / United States / Money
by Anonymous / 01/04/2012 at 1:43am / United States / Intimacy
by Norah / 07/23/2011 at 5:50pm / United States / Transportation
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
by chumleevil / 07/08/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by Qwerty / 06/28/2011 at 12:10pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML
by corn / 06/02/2011 at 9:44pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Work
by Username / 06/01/2011 at 8:35am / Canada / Work
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML
by reckless / 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML
by apple / 07/16/2010 at 3:38pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/18/2010 at 7:44pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
- Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey on my breast. To be fair I decided to give him a hickey on his… Today, right before my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, he touched his butt and says, "Oh I… Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to…