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GrimKnight's FML badges
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
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GrimKnight's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML
by ldrik1 / 06/11/2014 at 4:36pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by NextTimeMom'sDriving / 06/11/2014 at 12:41pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I bought some crickets as a treat for my lizard. One escaped and somehow got into the heating system in my room. The chirping is amplified and comes from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Goodbye, restful sleep. FML
by Sleepdeprived / 06/10/2014 at 10:07pm / United States (Maine) / Animals
Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML
by imalosertho / 06/10/2014 at 9:01pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Animals
by Anonymous / 06/10/2014 at 4:06pm / Barbados (Saint Michael) / Kids
Today, after having asked me out on Monday, the guy I like angrily cancelled our date because I "hadn't bothered" even talking to him for "several days". One day. You didn't hear from me on Monday. It's now Tuesday. That's one day, dick. FML
by fartbucket51995129565 / 06/10/2014 at 2:29pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/10/2014 at 11:05am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous
by MiserableMan / 06/10/2014 at 12:02am / Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh) / Love
Today, I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house. Upon entering by the front door, a horrid stench assaulted my nose. Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor. I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing. FML
by Where is it coming from?! / 06/09/2014 at 10:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I let my dog outside to play. He shat on three cars, played dead in the middle of the street, and chased my neighbors' cat into a pool. When he came back into the house, he had a note taped to his back saying "IOU 1 lawsuit". FML
by Teu_much / 06/09/2014 at 10:33pm / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML
by Harry / 06/09/2014 at 9:56pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/09/2014 at 5:20pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by blanknameisblank / 06/09/2014 at 3:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/09/2014 at 9:47am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…