Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Grand_Cookie

Offline (the 11/29/2014 at 6:29am) | Search for a member

Grand_Cookie

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 15435
  • Number of comments : 206
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Grand_Cookie : I'm the gorilla, so don't ask.

Blah blah blah, random facts about me. Blah blah blah, other stuff i like. Blah blah blah, some inspirational quote. Blah blah, purple unicorns, blah.

Redheads>Jesus

Grand_Cookie's page activity

Visits<b>aruden</b> - 12 hours ago<b>nwaugh72</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 2:27pm<b>Malteser95</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 11:35am<b>Akazuki</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 11:43pm<b>Cynoblaze</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 6:39pm<b>WhatTheHeckman8</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 11:35pm<b>ZoeeeGuyss</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 9:10pm<b>truecowboy</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 12:10am<b>bigmike3000</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 1:52am<b>JohnTheMermaid</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 12:33am<b>kaycrazyy</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 2:52pm<b>missblue97</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 3:39am<b>VeryPhyxal</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 12:10am<b>michaelf461</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 11:29am<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 12/30/2014 at 12:20pm<b>TEZZ</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 2:40pm<b>Darnis</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 11:57pm<b>breccafis</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 5:18am

Liked!<b>truecowboy</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 6:10am

Grand_Cookie's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Grand_Cookie's badges

Grand_Cookie's favorite FMLs

TODAY, MAH SISTER AND I WERE HAVING A SLUMBER PARTY IN MAH ROOM SINCE MAH PARENTS LEFT ON A TRIP. THEY LEFT MAH GRANDPARENTS HERE TO WATCH US. IT WAS PAST BED TIME AND WE STARTED HEARING SOME STRANGE NOISES THROUGH MAH FLOOR. WE THOUGHT IT WAS THE RADIO. TURNS OUT MAH GRANDMA IS A SCREAMER. FML

Today,hile sexting mah grlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

#20705129
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30857) - you deserved it (65771)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:15am - misc - by tinypenis - United States (New York)

Today, mah brother lookd me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world . I'm scard . FML

#20703677
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55792) - you deserved it (5037)

On 06/03/2013 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Poland (Kujawsko-Pomorskie)

yesterday at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me fir staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved looool Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me fir being "a queer." FML

#20703298
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43294) - you deserved it (4991)

On 06/03/2013 at 12:48pm - misc - by moreliketurdmart (man) - United States (Washington)

2DAY I HAD TO PAA IN MAH CAT'S LITTAR BOX..!! JUST TO AVOID WITNASSING MAH MOM HAVING SAX IN THA LIVING ROOM ON MAH WAY TO THA BATHROOM!! FML

#20702750
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72868) - you deserved it (5817)

On 06/03/2013 at 1:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today , I accidentally hit a cyclist with car. In panic , I jumped out of car and ran up to him , who was lying on the floor , motionless. As I was about to check his pulse , he jumped up and shouted , ( I bet you thought I was dead , asshole! ) He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

#20688904
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50887) - you deserved it (23608)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:19am - misc - by i hit a cyclist (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music . The music stopped and I assumed mah iPod's battery had run out . Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving mah earphones in . I didn't feel a thing . FML

#20688903
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48297) - you deserved it (10421)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:16am - misc - by stupid (woman) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)

Today, uncle drove to house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Niether of us live on a farm. Half the nieghborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

#20684256
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38862) - you deserved it (4235)

On 05/24/2013 at 6:48pm - misc - by unwilling redneck - United States

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

#20681811
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41179) - you deserved it (3013)

On 05/23/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Buzau)

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" an then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

#20680679
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56177) - you deserved it (4374)

On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" an then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

#20680679
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56177) - you deserved it (4374)

On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

TADAY I AD MY FIRST JOB AS A WEDDING PLANNER. I'D SPENT A YEAR MAKING SURE EVERYTING WAS RIGT. AFTER TE WEDDING MY FRIEND COMFORTD ME BY SAYING, "YOU AD TO AVE KNOWN IT WASN'T GOING TO BE PERFECT." I KNEW TAT IT WOULDN'T BE PERFECT, BUT I AD EXPECTD TE GROOM TO AT LEAST SOW UP. FML

#20676942
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42945) - you deserved it (2837)

On 05/21/2013 at 12:10am - work - by future walmart employee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad nieghborhood, cuz I ended up bieng chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" fat FML

#20673360
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44630) - you deserved it (5985)

On 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I Found Out That Cell Phone Bill Was Much Higher Than Normal . After Investigating, I Realizd That A Text Conversation I Had With Stalker, Telling Him Multiple Times Not To Contact Me Anymore, Was To An International Cell Phone . I Have To Pay To Be Stalkd . FML

#20666438
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46460) - you deserved it (6010)

On 05/16/2013 at 12:31am - money - by astalkerindeed (woman) - United States (California)

today I saw a coin on the ground!! As I bent over to pick it up..!! some dude cummed up from behind..!! grabbed my waist and humped me three times!! He ran away before I could get a good look at his face!! FML

#20664572
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51991) - you deserved it (8988)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: