Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Grand_Cookie

Offline (the 04/30/2015 at 8:09am) | Search for a member

Grand_Cookie

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 17276
  • Number of comments : 206
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Grand_Cookie : I'm the gorilla, so don't ask.

Blah blah blah, random facts about me. Blah blah blah, other stuff i like. Blah blah blah, some inspirational quote. Blah blah, purple unicorns, blah.

Redheads>Jesus

Grand_Cookie's page activity

Visits<b>raynedropps</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 12:26am<b>roo94</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 4:08pm<b>marshm610</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 7:41pm<b>spookyboy</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 5:57am<b>sarahmsw20</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 10:52am<b>chode124</b> - the 06/03/2015 at 7:35pm<b>MrsPegg</b> - the 06/03/2015 at 12:20pm<b>Epickiller</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 6:45am<b>cdncw</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 2:07pm<b>rmb1200</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 9:34pm<b>kiante99</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 9:55am<b>WoodenBoy</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 1:27am<b>IJG2000</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 12:23am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 5:46pm<b>ZelmaSlayer</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 11:13am<b>aruden</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 1:13am<b>nwaugh72</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 2:27pm<b>Malteser95</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 11:35am

Fucked!<b>MrsPegg</b> - the 06/03/2015 at 6:20pm<b>truecowboy</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 6:10am

Grand_Cookie's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Grand_Cookie's badges

Grand_Cookie's favorite FMLs

Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed in, and told me I was disgusting and sick for doing it in the same room as my brother. I forgot about the baby monitor. FML

#16019768
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15739) - you deserved it (64298)

On 05/02/2011 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by hornyloser (man) - United States (California)

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

#16016307
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37302) - you deserved it (9727)

On 05/02/2011 at 4:34am - intimacy - by ohtheshame -

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

#16009360
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14941) - you deserved it (44877)

On 05/01/2011 at 8:21pm - animals - by Cassie -

Today, I woke up at 4:40AM and went to the kitchen. My brother and his steel-capped boots easily found me in the dark. FML

#16005260
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26096) - you deserved it (3600)

On 05/01/2011 at 2:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Southland)

Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriends dog. After several trips around the block and plenty of strange looks I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

#16000939
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14960) - you deserved it (41620)

On 05/01/2011 at 4:20am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I went tanning for 15 min at my gym. When I got out no one was there, all of the lights were off, and the alarm started going off. Turns out the people working forgot about me, locked up, and left me there. FML

#15994879
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36842) - you deserved it (5270)

On 04/30/2011 at 8:19pm - misc - by Tara (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

#15991083
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33521) - you deserved it (21814)

On 04/30/2011 at 1:50pm - health - by Laci (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

#15985545
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27808) - you deserved it (7477)

On 04/30/2011 at 12:49am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I was sword fighting in a play when I accidentally hit the other person in the head. He called me a bitch and stormed off stage, leaving me alone with an audience of 50. FML

#15985252
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28854) - you deserved it (4781)

On 04/30/2011 at 12:25am - misc - by me - United States

Today, while my teacher was helping me with a problem, the gum he was chewing fell from his mouth and down my shirt. FML

#15964588
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41606) - you deserved it (4315)

On 04/28/2011 at 3:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

#15962479
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46525) - you deserved it (4938)

On 04/28/2011 at 11:53am - animals - by Cecilly2010 -

Today, my football coach thought it would be a good idea to get drunk, run to the other sideline, and scream, "WELCOME TO SPARTA, BITCH!" This would've been funny if he weren't also my dad. FML

#15960632
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35124) - you deserved it (3739)

On 04/28/2011 at 6:28am - misc - by spartanson -

Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I'd only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML

#15959633
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38772) - you deserved it (12805)

On 04/28/2011 at 2:22am - love - by ummno (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

#15958012
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19582) - you deserved it (27572)

On 04/28/2011 at 12:04am - work - by tryandtryagain (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

#15949821
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39257) - you deserved it (5037)

On 04/27/2011 at 3:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)



FML's blog

  • Tania's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! How are you all doing? This week has been quite eventful for some people. Uber has been causing taxi drivers here and there to get their knickers in a twist, notable over here in France, which caused…

Friday 26 June 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: