About Goth_Hawk : Fml is a site I am fond of, and read daily.
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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Goth_Hawk's favorite FMLs
Today, my dad's psycho ex broke in and had a meltdown about how he's dating another woman now. She's barely 100 pounds, yet it took me and my brother several minutes and one smashed shin to finally manage to drag her out of the house, all while my dad called the cops. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 8:16am / Miscellaneous
by slim_breezy / 06/04/2016 at 3:41am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I finally realized the toll working as a cashier 5 days a week during the holidays does to your psyche. I just said "Welcome To Walgreens", out of pure reflex, to my cat as she walked into my kitchen. FML
by Deweyboy / 12/21/2015 at 1:01pm / United States / Work
by snortingspunk / 12/03/2015 at 7:52am / South Africa / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/17/2015 at 9:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
by connorcaffery / 09/18/2015 at 5:24pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 50-something coworker followed through on his threat to file a defamation lawsuit against me. All because I jokingly said "pedo" after he bragged to everyone that his girlfriend is a smoking hot 19-year-old. FML
by Anownimous / 09/18/2015 at 3:51pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, I woke up to a cat licking my face. I don't have a cat. I quickly put the cat out the front door and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I remembered that I had agreed to take care of my sister's cat for a week. I looked out the door, but the cat is nowhere to be found. FML
by introublenow / 09/18/2015 at 8:22am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I told my nephew to be careful when crossing the street in front of a bus because it might eat him. We then watched as a bus slowed down and stopped in front of a group of people. When the bus moved away, all the people were gone. My nephew is terrified, and won't stop crying. FML
by busmonster / 09/11/2015 at 8:32pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
by to_complicated_4_u / 05/04/2015 at 12:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML
by xoragebaby / 01/23/2015 at 8:29pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/19/2015 at 7:45pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by Halcyon_Sancta / 01/19/2015 at 8:05am / United States (Nevada) / Love
by Goth_Hawk / 01/13/2015 at 3:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML
by I'll Make You FartCum / 01/02/2015 at 4:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana…