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Googolman's favorite FMLs
by Seeyounarabish / 07/10/2016 at 11:06pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 12:23pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Kids
Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I said no, she started crying so much that her mom came out 5 minutes later and demanded that I give her daughter the dog. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2016 at 10:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids
Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2016 at 1:07pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working the drive-thru at work, an older woman asked for my phone number to give to her single son. After I politely declined, she called me a slut and threw her food at me through the window before promptly speeding off. FML
by anonymous / 06/15/2016 at 2:18am / United States (Tennessee) / Work
Today, I went to the bathroom in a mall. As I was in the stall, a woman tried to open it. I yelled out that's it was occupied but she kept shaking it to open it. It came up to the point where she had to crawl under the door to see that I was there. FML
by stuck / 06/12/2016 at 1:59am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love
Today, my wife said she was going to her friend's place to help her with couponing. She started getting ready at 5pm; shaved her legs, did her hair, put on skin-tight leggings and a low-cut top. Left at 6pm, snuck back in at 2:50am. Shit, couponing must be really exciting. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2016 at 1:15am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2-month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk when they make a noise. My fridge stated beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, 'It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright.' FML
by Babyhazy / 06/05/2016 at 5:52pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML
by Fish Breath / 06/03/2016 at 6:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/03/2016 at 3:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was laying on the couch with a cast on my broken ankle. My brother thought it would be funny to shoot my cast with a high-powered pellet gun. It went straight through the cast and now I need to go back to the hospital. FML
by brandogg / 04/29/2016 at 8:11pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
by shit / 04/28/2016 at 7:05am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by brandogg / 04/27/2016 at 5:33am / United States (New Mexico) / Health
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I was coaching some kids in table tennis when I told them to try a forehand loop, or smash.… Today, I had sex with a guy I had wanted for awhile. Or I think it counts as sex. Really, I thought… Today, my bed broke down in the middle. My crush offered to fix it for me, but I can't have people…