About Goldenchest : Not many people appreciate bowties and fezzes as much as I do.
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Goldenchest's favorite FMLs
Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML
by I hate that game / 11/23/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML
by smooth / 11/21/2013 at 11:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids
Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML
by Anonymous / 11/16/2013 at 4:40pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by gonnafail / 11/16/2013 at 3:18pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, during school, I passed out in the lunch line and hit my head on the metal rail as I fell. Rather than helping or expressing concern at all, my friends simply left my unconscious body on the floor. Why? They had to get to the lasagna before the cafeteria ran out of it. FML
by _sempiternus / 11/16/2013 at 11:18am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 11/14/2013 at 12:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I was accused of stealing when I dropped a $20 bill in front of my boss. His logic: I'm too poor to have a $20 bill and there's no way it was a tip, since our customers are "so stingy". It was a tip and it was going to get me through the rest of the month. He won't give it back. FML
by Anonymous / 11/14/2013 at 2:18am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, a girl came up and hugged me. At first I was frightened, but then I asked who she was. Turns out she was the kid I babysat for 3 years. She cried when she realized I didn't remember her, then threw gravel in my face and ran away. FML
by haleymcaldwell / 11/12/2013 at 1:43pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by myheadhurts / 11/11/2013 at 9:14pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
by shut up. / 11/11/2013 at 5:36am / New Zealand / Work
by lax52389 / 11/09/2013 at 6:45pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by jsyn / 11/09/2013 at 6:27pm / United States (Connecticut) / Money
by fmylyfe / 11/09/2013 at 9:15am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by thank god you'll only live once / 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…