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Goldenchest

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Goldenchest
  • Town/Country : Florence, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 13 August 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 8164
  • Number of comments : 149
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Goldenchest : Not many people appreciate bowties and fezzes as much as I do.

Goldenchest's last visitors

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

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You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Goldenchest's favorite FMLs

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

#20830594
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40213) - you deserved it (4657)

On 08/10/2013 at 11:23am - health - by Oh-Shit! - United States

Today, I stopped at a red light, when I noticed the car in front of me was in reverse. I honked at the driver, hoping he'd realize and place the car in drive. He thought the light turned green and immediately backed into me. FML

#20828404
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44252) - you deserved it (5553)

On 08/09/2013 at 1:00am - misc - by please don't back that thing up - United States

Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML

#20826835
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47685) - you deserved it (4224)

On 08/08/2013 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

#20826589
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44610) - you deserved it (7900)

On 08/08/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by AnnoyedByFriends -

Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML

#20825844
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40998) - you deserved it (4507)

On 08/07/2013 at 4:55pm - misc - by wekasdjkasldasdkasdzcawqe (woman) - Sweden

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

#20824961
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44185) - you deserved it (20773)

On 08/07/2013 at 1:40am - animals - by Blood on my hands (woman) - United States

Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML

#20822322
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42089) - you deserved it (5975)

On 08/05/2013 at 4:21pm - animals - by traumatizedforlife (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend suggested that we become "drug dealers" because I'm a chemistry student and he's seen a few episodes of Breaking Bad. FML

#20812711
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41686) - you deserved it (4220)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:50am - misc - by Bnewlove - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

#20812086
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46072) - you deserved it (5090)

On 07/30/2013 at 7:19pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML

#20811532
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51664) - you deserved it (3119)

On 07/30/2013 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML

#20806393
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43046) - you deserved it (7567)

On 07/27/2013 at 1:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland

Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

#20804067
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35539) - you deserved it (3228)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by dareyale (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I spontaneously got my ear pierced. By spontaneously, I mean my 12-year-old sister stabbed one of her earrings into my ear while I was sleeping. She claimed the freckle on my earlobe looks "exactly the same" as the hole from her ear piercing. FML

#20801253
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43116) - you deserved it (2852)

On 07/24/2013 at 2:03pm - kids - by ouch - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

Today, I found out why my bank balance is so unusually low. It turns out that I bought a car in Indonesia. I've never been to Indonesia. FML

#20766607
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48495) - you deserved it (2526)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:45am - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Essex)



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