About Goldenchest : Not many people appreciate bowties and fezzes as much as I do.
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Goldenchest's favorite FMLs
by pootie / 12/11/2013 at 8:14am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, a woman called the store I work for. When she found out it was a wrong number, she started to cry and asked me to stay on the line with her, talking about her dead husband and how she hasn't laughed in years. FML
by icy_in_indiana / 12/10/2013 at 10:41pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
by scared shitless / 12/10/2013 at 4:50am / United States (California) / Work
Today, marks my fifth day being an English teacher's assistant. I spent it like the other four days: grading and editing terrible Teen Wolf, One Direction and Doctor Who high school fan-fiction. Six months until I get out of here. FML
by Anonymous / 12/10/2013 at 2:38am / United States (California) / Work
by knee pain / 12/09/2013 at 2:17pm / United States / Health
Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML
by Anonymous / 12/08/2013 at 3:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my car wouldn't start because of the cold weather. Since I was at a friend's house, I asked him to jump-start it. After taking about ten minutes to start his vehicle and park it by mine, we found that both of our car hoods were frozen shut. FML
by Anonymous / 12/07/2013 at 3:49pm / United States / Transportation
by eer004 / 12/07/2013 at 5:06am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, upon hearing of the death of Nelson Mandela, I posted a link on Facebook to the South African children's hospital in his name and donated. I was completely ignored whilst my newsfeed became clogged by my middle-class friends with "RIP Nelson Mandela" and photos of Morgan Freeman. FML
by purebliss / 12/05/2013 at 7:43pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Broke / 12/04/2013 at 3:27am / United States (Texas) / Money
by helpme / 12/03/2013 at 11:05pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by DocShadow / 12/03/2013 at 12:33pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, while delivering pizzas, someone ordered $19.41 in pizza and wings. After finally finding her appartment, she paid me in two sandwich bags full of pennies and nickels. I had to count them out before giving her the pizza. We aren't allowed to enter the residence, and it was 22 degrees. FML
by JudasThePriest / 12/01/2013 at 2:42am / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2013 at 1:31pm / France / Health
Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML
by fs / 11/23/2013 at 6:45pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…