About Gixie : I have actually been using FML for well over a year before I decided to create a profile and then another six months before I decided to actually start using it. I'm actually disappointed that I could have been earning badges the whole time. FML.
Gixie's FML badges
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Gixie's favorite FMLs
by ironies a b*tch / 04/13/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by iwassoclose / 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health
by dancekat / 04/08/2013 at 5:17am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML
by icanthearyou / 04/04/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
by anonymous / 04/04/2013 at 6:52pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/03/2013 at 5:17am / United States / Kids
Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML
by ohgodwhyyoufreaks / 04/01/2013 at 7:57am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML
by Anna L. / 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML
by Gixie / 03/24/2013 at 11:56am / Ghana (Greater Accra) / Kids
Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML
by Anonymous / 03/19/2013 at 10:16pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by chickenmcnuggetgirl / 03/18/2013 at 2:10pm / Ireland (Meath) / Intimacy
Today, I was over at a friend's house feeding her cats while she was on vacation. After feeding the four of them, I found an extra cat under the sofa. Thinking it was an intruding stray, I kicked it out. She actually has 5 cats. FML
by anonymous / 03/18/2013 at 5:17am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend still won't talk to me, after I caused him the "worst embarrassment" of his life in front of his friends. What did I do wrong? I joined their conversation and ended up confusing the fictional characters of Gollum and Yoda with one another. FML
by Anonymous / 03/15/2013 at 8:12pm / France (Centre) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML
by cls_x / 02/24/2013 at 2:53am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't… Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom… Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex…
- Today, I had 45 minutes spare between appointments to do some work at the office. I needed to print… Today, I was having an intense intimate moment with my boyfriend. He thought he'd take things up a… Today, it has been a week since I moved into my new house. Turns out that the previous owner of the…
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I'm looking after three little girls, aged 3, 5 and 7 years old. We're watching Bambi, and…