About GimmeFive : mah fello americkins, i am here, ur president end i am trahing mah hardest tah gain ur affectshins. Boy ah tell ya, yits pretty tough, u americkins er a lat tougher end more unfergivin then ah thought. he he he boi, he he he...
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GimmeFive's favorite FMLs
by DreamStatic / 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, I found out that my girlfriend hasn't really been "researching" for work on the Internet; she's actually been tweeting the same pathetic plea to a guy from One Direction asking him to "follow" her. She's 29. FML
by LeaveTheGuyAlone / 07/28/2013 at 8:18pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I did a photoshoot with my boyfriend and his buddy. We drove out to the countryside and set up on top of a hill. My boyfriend kept having me move further and further back. I eventually fell and rolled down the steep hill, while he and his buddy high-fived each other. FML
by -_- / 07/28/2013 at 6:58pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 12:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
by mishyb / 07/28/2013 at 12:28am / United States (Colorado) / Animals
Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML
by poopiter / 07/27/2013 at 2:31pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML
by Anonymous / 07/02/2013 at 12:25pm / United States (Vermont) / Kids
Today, I was working as a nurse, and an elderly man had just passed away. As the patient's wife was leaving she said, "Thank you for taking such good care of my husband." Then I, intending to say "Sorry for your loss," said "Thank you for your loss." FML
by Anonymous / 07/01/2013 at 4:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm / United States (Utah) / Animals
Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML
by Anonymous / 07/01/2013 at 1:50am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by me / 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, as a condominium security guard, I had to enter an old lady's apartment to supervise the mandatory maintenance taking place inside. I commented on the lakeside view from her window and mentioned, "This is a pretty nice view up here isn't it?" It turns out that she's blind. FML
by rent-a-cop / 05/05/2013 at 12:28am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML
by Anonymous / 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was small talking with an elderly man, who told me that nobody cares about him. Even though I had only known him for an hour, to try and make him feel a little better I told him I care about him. He then called me a creep, stomped his cane onto my foot, and walked off. FML
by 'creep' / 04/22/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by gamerguru13 / 04/21/2013 at 8:26am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger… Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at… Today, I have a condition that, when I pull my foreskin back, it looks as if a rubber band has been…