Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

GetKayotic

Online | Search for a member

GetKayotic

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 465
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About GetKayotic : For those about to rock, we salute you.

GetKayotic's page activity

Visits<b>Random4Dayz</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 12:06am<b>suckmideck</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 6:33am<b>magnetic_aura</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 12:16am<b>BlazeArmy</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 1:38am<b>paintedwings12</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 7:46am<b>kayana153</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 10:49am<b>brewer3800</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 5:09pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 12:41am<b>fleuretta</b> - the 03/05/2014 at 3:56am<b>jf_555</b> - the 02/02/2014 at 10:30pm<b>TheAtomicBomb</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 11:33pm<b>grogers311</b> - the 11/21/2013 at 12:23pm<b>sean_coff</b> - the 11/17/2013 at 11:08am<b>TRaww21</b> - the 11/03/2013 at 4:07pm<b>pnutzmckracken</b> - the 11/01/2013 at 6:54pm<b>Mimi12589</b> - the 11/01/2013 at 2:27am<b>skittycat213</b> - the 11/01/2013 at 12:51am<b>brittbug99</b> - the 10/31/2013 at 11:22pm

GetKayotic's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of GetKayotic's badges

GetKayotic's favorite FMLs

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

#21364287
138 comments

Today, a man approached me and told me he wanted to drink my dirty bath water. FML

Today, my extremely hot coworker told me that I smelled good. At a complete loss for words, I replied, "Oh, I'm sure I don't." FML

#21359386
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26745) - you deserved it (4789)

On 02/19/2015 at 7:14pm - misc - by thisiswhyimavirgin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

#21355574
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34471) - you deserved it (2902)

On 02/13/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18606) - you deserved it (35308)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

#21347719
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29873) - you deserved it (3278)

On 02/01/2015 at 11:17am - intimacy - by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. In the middle of it he said, "I want us to be covalent bonds". I didn't understand what he meant, and he actually stopped to explain it to me. FML

#21346746
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25348) - you deserved it (6881)

On 01/30/2015 at 10:11am - intimacy - by Chemist-why (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after I got home from a long day at work. I go inside my room and find a life-size cut out of Miley Cyrus. I don't know how it got here. I'm the only person with a key to my apartment. FML

#21345231
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28782) - you deserved it (1978)

On 01/27/2015 at 6:46pm - misc - by I'm screwed - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my professor was doing roll-call. As usual, she didn't say my name because it's so close to the person before me. So to differentiate, she decided she would call the girl before me "the pretty one". FML

#21341880
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30251) - you deserved it (2113)

On 01/21/2015 at 9:17pm - misc - by The Ugly One - United States

Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear - "Do you give head?" FML

#21339980
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35316) - you deserved it (5290)

On 01/19/2015 at 12:35am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

#21339686
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38292) - you deserved it (3297)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm - misc - by pissed out pants (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a job interview. It was my last shot of getting a job before my savings run dry. It all went well until I was asked why I wanted to join the company. I got flustered and stuttered, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML

#21339665
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26084) - you deserved it (8045)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML

#21339526
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26829) - you deserved it (18707)

On 01/18/2015 at 11:34am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I realized that while I've been the same minuscule height for the past five years, my feet won't stop growing. I'm 5 foot and a size 12. I look like a clown. FML

#21338417
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28377) - you deserved it (5759)

On 01/16/2015 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

#21326143
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30317) - you deserved it (15225)

On 12/28/2014 at 9:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: