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Forlorn420's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML
by FUSheldon / 11/28/2012 at 12:15am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by x / 11/11/2012 at 9:16pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
by ananymous / 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I went to a big family dinner. I didn't realize I hadn't been invited until we were about to sit down to eat. There were 12 chairs, 12 plates, 12 forks, and 12 glasses. I was the 13th person to arrive. FML
by Anonymous / 10/31/2012 at 10:37am / United States / Miscellaneous
by fucking fratricidal / 10/13/2012 at 6:25pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting three kids, one of whom was particularly difficult to control. While trying to get him to behave, the two girls came up behind me and pulled my pants down. In front of a huge window open to the street below. FML
by 1D-107 / 07/31/2012 at 1:43pm / United States (Utah) / Kids
Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML
by maddiebauer / 07/26/2012 at 10:48am / United States (Illinois) / Health
by xxccruzxx / 06/29/2012 at 9:30am / United States / Work
Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Heather / 06/26/2012 at 1:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
Today, my neighborhood had its annual summer barbecue, and I ended up showing a little boy who lives down the street how to hit a baseball. When I gave him back his bat so he could try for himself, he swung it into my shin and yelled, "Tag! You're it!" FML
by bcoper / 06/25/2012 at 12:09pm / Switzerland (Luzern) / Kids
Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML
by :( / 06/24/2012 at 5:45pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML
by nosonofmine / 06/23/2012 at 1:43pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids
by blah56 / 06/23/2012 at 1:17am / United States (Kentucky) / Love