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Fiori4's favorite FMLs
Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML
by KtSue / 11/12/2012 at 12:25am / United States / Health
by SadExperiment / 10/29/2012 at 8:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML
by Jessi / 07/24/2012 at 2:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by BooBabe / 06/04/2012 at 7:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by lol112 / 06/02/2012 at 8:47am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
by lotrgeek / 02/13/2012 at 8:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML
by cieee / 02/13/2012 at 2:09am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by titoutou222 / 10/22/2011 at 8:40am / France / Kids
Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully they didn't steal anything. They did, however, move things around into strange places and mess up my underwear. I have severe OCD, so this is probably worse than if they had taken everything. FML
by WTFwhywouldyoudothat / 08/22/2011 at 6:10pm / United Kingdom (Rotherham) / Miscellaneous
by datingmrpicky / 08/21/2011 at 11:44pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML
by tLee / 07/19/2011 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Yoda / 07/08/2011 at 1:23am / United States (New York) / Geek
by crazydog / 06/10/2011 at 4:39pm / United Kingdom / Animals
by Emoney1 / 05/26/2011 at 10:06am / Canada / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home… Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to… Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year old daughter.…