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Fiori4's favorite FMLs
Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2014 at 7:34am / United States / Kids
by sabz21 / 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by SirDirtyRedD / 01/24/2014 at 8:03pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids
by sickmom / 01/21/2014 at 6:07am / United States (Louisiana) / Kids
Today, I was playing with my little nephew and began to tickle him playfully, even though I know he doesn't like to be tickled. When I was done, he looked me straight in the eye, punched me in the groin, and told me, "No one tickles me". He's six. FML
by Ginger_Gawd / 01/20/2014 at 10:34pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML
by anon / 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2014 at 7:26pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML
by rollergirl13 / 01/11/2014 at 12:55am / United States (Alaska) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML
by lukas / 01/10/2014 at 7:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML
by polluxdc / 01/10/2014 at 3:20am / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
by Elisa_LmR / 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML
by Anonomous / 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals
by honeybunny90 / 12/28/2013 at 3:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by thanks_world / 12/26/2013 at 1:48am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…