About Falassalond : Hi! I've been on FML for a long time. I read comments a lot. The best part of FML is the comments. Most of you have probably made me laugh. So thanks. Have a nice day!
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Falassalond's favorite FMLs
Today, my mother-in-law yelled from across the house for me to come quickly. She sounded frantic, so I rushed and asked what was wrong. She said, "Nothing." and that she just wanted to remind me that she hates my guts. She'll be living here with me and my wife for the next two months. FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 5:30pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
by Anonymous / 08/02/2013 at 5:34pm / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Health
by YouSoSmelly / 08/02/2013 at 9:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 07/31/2013 at 7:19pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 4:19am / United States (Illinois) / Animals
by confusedmofo / 07/29/2013 at 2:35am / Indonesia / Love
Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML
by notenoughunderwearintheworld / 07/21/2013 at 4:54pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Transportation
by Kat_Styles / 07/19/2013 at 4:51am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a blind date and we seemed to have hit it off nicely. I asked him if he could drive me home. Along the way he stopped on a pitch-black road and told me to get out so he could take a picture. He then gave me my bag and drove off, leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere. FML
by Misshhh / 07/19/2013 at 12:02am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/26/2013 at 12:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals
by thanksdoc / 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML
by Anonymous / 06/24/2013 at 2:39pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy