Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML_1994_

Offline (the 04/17/2014 at 8:11pm) | Search for a member

FML_1994_

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 990
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

FML_1994_'s page activity

Visits<b>suckingatlife</b> - the 10/24/2011 at 6:44am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:37pm<b>wutwutandwut</b> - the 02/26/2011 at 7:43pm

FML_1994_'s FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

See all of FML_1994_'s badges

FML_1994_'s favorite FMLs

Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

#20680679
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56140) - you deserved it (4374)

On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

#20541635
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41973) - you deserved it (15724)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

Today, my mother burst into tears and hysterics when she found out my fiancée and I were not "pure" for our upcoming wedding. I'm 28, she's 27, and we've lived together for four years. FML

#20472693
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32129) - you deserved it (4570)

On 01/22/2013 at 3:09am - love - by deflower (man) - United States (California)

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

#20470929
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48814) - you deserved it (5874)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

#20452996
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45385) - you deserved it (5989)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

#20436012
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52600) - you deserved it (3977)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:20am - intimacy - by ashbeat - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML

#20426492
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52880) - you deserved it (7180)

On 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by well, i am now (woman) - United States

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

#20418714
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45906) - you deserved it (25228)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

#20418295
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49141) - you deserved it (10260)

On 12/24/2012 at 8:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34788) - you deserved it (4001)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

#20192033
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37987) - you deserved it (2428)

On 12/05/2012 at 5:52am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

#20189474
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21731) - you deserved it (3866)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

#20188363
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24627) - you deserved it (3939)

On 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by fineididntwantkidsanyway (man) - Australia (South Australia)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #12
  • Another month, another bunch of shitposts. Yes, it's time to delve into the postbag and have another look at the weird and wonderful stuff we've been sent by people from all over the world. Hope you…

Tuesday 3 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: