Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLMaximus

Offline (6 hours ago) | Search for a member

FMLMaximus

30Fucked!

FMLMaximusFMLMaximus
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 24 September 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3852
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 18 posted

About FMLMaximus : Mother, gamer, reader, love being outside with the earth. Only here to read FMLs but I enjoy meeting new people as well. I have been an avid reader of FMLs since I was in high school. I have yet to get one posted but I'm optimistic about it. :P

FMLMaximus's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 10:28pm<b>hotheadslav</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 5:29pm<b>Steve97</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 11:50am<b>MrThump</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 2:40am<b>tiger820</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 5:09am<b>greaterdane</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 2:42am<b>tiredofwaiting</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 1:14am<b>lil_jimmy</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 10:25pm<b>philsh94</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 8:00pm<b>Teyros</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 5:54pm<b>zinoxity</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 2:15pm<b>minhas6096</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 11:25am<b>geesem</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 10:37am<b>fadiuj</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 5:23am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 12:08pm<b>PurpleKicks</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 7:48am<b>spockadelic</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 3:55am<b>kjlancaster</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 10:56pm

Fucked!<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 3:44am<b>tiredofwaiting</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 7:14am<b>fadiuj</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 11:24am<b>MrThump</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 11:21am<b>lil_jimmy</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 11:19am<b>greaterdane</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 5:21am<b>spockadelic</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 9:55am<b>Charles900</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 11:05am<b>xKrisSmoove</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 5:27pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 2:02pm<b>Lesser</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 12:29am<b>NodakN8V</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 7:10pm<b>dakatabg</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 12:40am<b>rogwest</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 11:17pm<b>rafa015</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 4:54pm<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 4:50pm<b>man_in_black08</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 2:46pm<b>MrsHaxxo</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 11:35am

FMLMaximus's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of FMLMaximus's badges

FMLMaximus's favorite FMLs

Today, a revolving door got the better of me. I made it into the crowded lobby, unlike my skirt. Bad day to wear a thong. FML

#21448563
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25492) - you deserved it (3189)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:18pm - misc - by Oopsie - United States (Vermont)

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

#21446710
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27386) - you deserved it (4750)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by strangely - United States (California)

Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

#21445864
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23050) - you deserved it (2492)

On 07/23/2015 at 5:44am - animals - by Skoff (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while I was at home watching Netflix, my parents drunkenly stumbled through the door making out the whole time. I thought that the situation couldn't get worse, but then my Dad asked me if I had a condom they could use. FML

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

#21442030
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33138) - you deserved it (2320)

On 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML

#21439786
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25342) - you deserved it (3449)

On 07/10/2015 at 10:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

#21430214
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24427) - you deserved it (4490)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm - health - by oh no (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on a boat and I thought I saw a towel fly off, but it was actually my fricken dog. FML

#21426414
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31815) - you deserved it (5003)

On 06/15/2015 at 10:49am - animals - by justin Bieber - United States (Michigan)

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

#21421576
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28740) - you deserved it (1822)

On 06/06/2015 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

#21414219
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24717) - you deserved it (2359)

On 05/22/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Kurda (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

#21412007
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29044) - you deserved it (2462)

On 05/18/2015 at 2:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML

#21408482
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25919) - you deserved it (1974)

On 05/11/2015 at 4:54pm - work - by Becky (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

#21406764
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19889) - you deserved it (36975)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

#21402047
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31784) - you deserved it (9838)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by MiniJeans - United States (Florida)



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: