About FMLMaximus : Mother, gamer, reader, love being outside with the earth. Only here to read FMLs but I enjoy meeting new people as well. I have been an avid reader of FMLs since I was in high school. I have yet to get one posted but I'm optimistic about it. :P
FMLMaximus's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
FMLMaximus's favorite FMLs
Today, I made a point of talking to our parachute riggers, and thanking them for all they do. Today is also the first day I had to pull my reserve chute because my main chute didn't open correctly. FML
by rickjameson / 08/29/2016 at 6:19am / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I went to get my first acupuncture. The doctor was a cute Korean woman, so I tried to start a conversation. When she pricked me with a needle near the tailbone, I involuntarily let one loose and saw her gag. FML
by Revelyn / 06/03/2016 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I returned from a week long vacation in Aruba. After 10 hours of travel and 3 flights, I was walking to my car at the airport, excited to finally get home, only to realize I left my car keys, apartment keys, and work keys at the resort. FML
by kaleemuller / 05/03/2016 at 11:50am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend chuckling to himself. Turns out he had just clogged the toilet. When he called maintenance, halfway through explaining the problem he started hysterically giggling and had to hang up mid-sentence. This has been a reoccurring theme. FML
by sleepylillion / 04/25/2016 at 1:07am / United States (Hawaii) / Love
Today, I was hauling cow shit. I had a car following me very closely, so I turned on the spreader to get them to back off. It was a cop. I got pulled over in a tractor for spraying cow shit on a cop car. FML
by farmingman / 04/14/2016 at 7:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML
by UUUGHHH / 02/05/2016 at 3:33pm / Miscellaneous
Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML
by Anonymous / 02/05/2016 at 2:15pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Coccinelle / 02/05/2016 at 11:36am / France / Work
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, which he was happy about, until I told him in the interest of fair play he also had to let me fuck him with a strap on. It didn't take him very long to suddenly decide anal is disgusting, with all kinds of health risks. And he thinks he's the smart one. FML
by sandra / 02/04/2016 at 8:01pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy
by aj513 / 11/28/2015 at 8:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend told me he took pictures of me while I was sleeping. Instead of it being all cute like you see on social media, there's me sleeping with his dirty-ass sock on my face and him smiling in the background. FML
by Anonymous / 11/19/2015 at 3:15am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/17/2015 at 9:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
by nnniii / 11/15/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my immediate supervisor had modified my phone in the priority order at our call center. As a result, any calls that came in during the night shift would be routed to my phone first, so that he can play games on his phone uninterrupted. It's been a whole year. FML
by YouBossturd / 11/10/2015 at 10:17am / United States (District of Columbia) / Work
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…