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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 13 August 1991 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2469
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 23 posted

About EvilTurtle : "Grab life by the tits and milk that bitch"

EvilTurtle's page activity

Visits<b>fardggh</b> - 3 hours ago<b>kmw003</b> - yesterday at 5:57pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 3:38pm<b>Kingsz</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 12:22am<b>thetuckinator</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 11:15pm<b>Xcizer</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 11:09pm<b>melons</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 7:52pm<b>Greatsoulme</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 6:23pm<b>Soninuva</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 10:52pm<b>I_english_well</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 6:59pm<b>cutycat136</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 2:43pm<b>Doritozilla</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 1:26am<b>orios105</b> - the 11/11/2015 at 1:18am<b>threer</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 8:14pm<b>Arno_Kenway</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 10:43pm<b>norox</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 1:21pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 2:09pm<b>jonomc</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 10:29am

Fucked!<b>karacakal2</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 9:39pm<b>melons</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 6:39pm<b>XxDanno316xX</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 6:05pm<b>mccrightp</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 4:44pm<b>FrenchToastKick</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 9:30am<b>dylanscrappylife</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 2:31pm<b>nityasomaiya</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 12:26pm<b>flyingmind</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 8:13am<b>mptb9997</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 4:59am<b>imarlee98</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 1:50am<b>mzhaze</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 10:09pm<b>MozillaHostile</b> - the 10/01/2015 at 11:39pm<b>radApple</b> - the 10/01/2015 at 1:15am<b>aimbug</b> - the 09/30/2015 at 10:59pm<b>EvilPandaxD</b> - the 09/30/2015 at 5:46pm<b>jelrid</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 2:47am<b>RedPandax</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 6:23am<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 4:48am

EvilTurtle's FML badges

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That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

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You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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EvilTurtle's favorite FMLs

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML


I agree, your life sucks (18136) - you deserved it (6547)

On 11/23/2015 at 9:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21051) - you deserved it (2713)

On 10/28/2015 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up at 2am and went to use the toilet. I sat there doing my business, when I heard a voice whisper my name from behind me. I live alone and the toilet is right up against the wall. I screamed and ran back to my room, then went without sleep for the rest of the night. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24450) - you deserved it (2234)

On 10/23/2015 at 4:41pm - misc - by haunted (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my best friend with his hand down my girlfriend's pants and her moaning for him to "keep going". She had the brass balls to claim she had a "tummy ache" and that he was just rubbing her stomach better. I may be a total dumbass, but I'm not THAT stupid. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32752) - you deserved it (1987)

On 10/23/2015 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28855) - you deserved it (2939)

On 09/21/2015 at 10:45am - misc - by Gassy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my teacher plugged the speakers into the wrong input on his computer, and said, "Oops, wrong hole", to which one of the students who often makes the same mistake said, "Story of my life". I understood it differently and started laughing. It would have been fine if the teacher wasn't her father. FML

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23741) - you deserved it (2012)

On 09/02/2015 at 10:30pm - animals - by pansypup - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I found out the girl I met online, who I spent hours talking to every day for the past 2 months, and who I fell in love with is actually my gay roomate. He says if I could fall in love with "her", I can fall in love with him. It doesn't work that way, dickhead. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28170) - you deserved it (4324)

On 08/19/2015 at 2:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I am 1,000 days sober and drug-free. I suffer from depression and I am craving terribly. I have a migraine and a bladder infection. And I can deal with all of this. But what I can't deal with is my dipshit coworker asking if I want to go out for drinks and snort cocaine to celebrate. FML

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML


I agree, your life sucks (27953) - you deserved it (3000)

On 07/24/2015 at 2:54pm - misc - by HAIL SITHIS (woman) - United States

Today, at the supermarket, a woman came up to me and said I looked just like her son, who was killed in Afghanistan. She tearfully asked if she could hug me "one last time". It was a little weird, but I let her. 10 minutes later, at the checkout, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33486) - you deserved it (4937)

On 06/14/2015 at 9:41am - money - by Justin 'Cuntface' Bieber III (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML


I agree, your life sucks (29555) - you deserved it (2554)

On 04/22/2015 at 11:06am - work - by -_- (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was talking with my mother. As we went to say goodbye, she said "I love you". Out of habit of saying I love you to my girlfriend, I said, "Love you too babe". FML

Today, while camping, I was given the sex talk, along with visuals created with marshmallows and a roasting fork. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31259) - you deserved it (3247)

On 03/18/2015 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my maths class and I had to sit through a slideshow of photos of our teacher's cat. The cat's name is Mr Cat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29120) - you deserved it (3854)

On 03/18/2015 at 5:44am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Auckland)

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