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EpicBlondie89

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EpicBlondie89
  • Town/Country : San Marcos, TX, United States
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Friday 17 March 1989 (25 years)
  • Number of visits : 416
  • Number of comments : 101
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About EpicBlondie89 : I'm not mean. You're just a sissy. Now unbunch your panties. Entertain me. Lurking since 2010, figured I'd finally make a profile. I'm divorcing with 2 kids. I'm the coolest nerd you'll ever meet. I'm very blunt and sarcastic, so don't take me too seriously. It is, after all, the internet. Messages are welcome, I just now realized the app on my new phone can receive them. :)

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EpicBlondie89's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument. Naturally, I drove over to my best friend's house for comfort. My boyfriend saw me driving past his house and promptly broke up with me for being "a psycho stalker." She lives across the street from him. FML

#20612336
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46361) - you deserved it (5529)

On 04/22/2013 at 1:06am - love - by And you think I'M crazy? (woman) - United States

Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML

#20609608
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73895) - you deserved it (6748)

On 04/21/2013 at 6:20am - intimacy - by loving wife - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my sister went into a blind rage at me for "upstaging" her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same. My husband and I have been trying for two years. She's in high school and doesn't even know who the father is. FML

#20590768
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63589) - you deserved it (2600)

On 04/14/2013 at 4:39pm - misc - by bntje (woman) - Netherlands (Overijssel)

Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML

#20562509
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32720) - you deserved it (4858)

On 03/27/2013 at 3:34pm - misc - by InfamousLastWord (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

#20423881
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36379) - you deserved it (4348)

On 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by geewhy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML

#20164356
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13121) - you deserved it (1673)

On 11/15/2012 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland

Today, at my school they were having a carnival to raise money. One of the patrons suggested that if they wanted to make money, they should have people pledge money to make me cover my ugly face with a bag. The school got over $500, and I had to wear a bag. FML

#20143313
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26535) - you deserved it (2153)

On 11/01/2012 at 7:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, multiple people admired my elaborate face paint. This happens every Halloween, at least every Halloween since I got badly burnt in a car accident. FML

#20142623
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38537) - you deserved it (1436)

On 11/01/2012 at 7:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of)

Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML

#20142562
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21006) - you deserved it (3207)

On 11/01/2012 at 4:20am - kids - by NoSpirit (woman) -

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were preparing for the arrival of Hurricane Sandy. I tasked him with going out to buy emergency groceries in case we lose power. He returned with dozens of microwave cup noodles. We're going to starve. FML

#20137235
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19493) - you deserved it (2928)

On 10/28/2012 at 4:14pm - love - by cupnoodles (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML

#20133994
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6597) - you deserved it (28132)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

#20119984
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21355) - you deserved it (4099)

On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML

#20117570
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22955) - you deserved it (8616)

On 10/15/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

#20116347
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17224) - you deserved it (2117)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:57am - kids - by Nickki - United States



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